Suffused Feelings
by Arden Tenjou
Summary: Renji slowly comes to realize his inappropriate feelings for his captain. He knows he'll be rejected, and yet...a little hope leads him to discover something that surprises both him and Captain Kuchiki. Byakuren, Renbyaku, Byakuya x Renji
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Taichou…I've always…"

"Renji, me too."

"Taichou!"

Renji gasped awake. He sat on his hard bed, covers askew, his long red hair crinkled in awkward directions. Realizing what he'd just heard had been part of a dream, he sighed heavily, lowering his head and resting his elbows on his knees.

Nights could get lonely in the vice captain's quarters. He imagined the same was true for all the others who ranked above vice captain, since they all had private rooms. Since he could remember, Renji had never slept alone until he became a vice captain under Kuchiki Taichou. Ironic, that the one time in his life when he couldn't have night-time company was when he wanted it the most.

Knowing sleep was impossible after waking up that way, he groaned and stretched, then rose, ungallantly scratching his rear end. He always slept naked, and usually did his morning routine that way too. But the sun was not yet up, and gooseflesh appeared on his arms, so he threw on a lounge kimono before heading into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

Strange thoughts had been racing through his head these days. It was why he was no longer shocked to have dreams like that, or to wake suddenly from them ether. Something about his relationship with his captain had changed in the past few months, but he was nowhere near finding out what it was. The one thing he had decided was that whatever it was, it was not mutual. Even without knowing Kuchiki Taichou as he did, anyone could see that he only had eyes for his departed wife, and now a brotherly affection for Rukia. Renji had never thought of them as real siblings - how could he, when he'd known Rukia twice as long? - and often wondered about how much Rukia and her elder sister resembled each other. He'd seen a painting of Hisana once in a shrine at the Kuchiki house. But when he looked at Hisana, he only saw Rukia there. Maybe Kuchiki Taichou was the opposite.

He sighed deeply again and splashed his face with water to banish depressing thoughts. It was all right. As long as nothing changed, he'd be able to handle it. It was probably just misappropriated feelings of admiration anyway; after all, his goal for so long had been to surpass his captain. Maybe a lack of women in his life lately was making him go a little strange.

He laughed in self-deprecation. What was he thinking? Feelings for his own captain? And a man? It was stupid to even think about. He quickly got dressed, and headed out to train and kill time.

He returned to his quarters, drenched in sweat but feeling invigorated. For a man like Renji, the answer to problems of the heart was always exhausting the body. He felt healthy and rejuvenated, so after a shower, he went to see Ikkaku and Yumichika. However, as they complained they were too sleepy, they refused.

He briefly thought of asking their captain to spar, but he wasn't interested in dying today, so Zaraki Taichou was out of the question. There was Matsumoto or Hitsugaya Taichou, but last he heard she was still in the dog house for neglecting a mountain of paperwork, and she and her captain were working constantly to get through it. He'd normally go and see Rukia, but he was afraid if he saw her he might start to feel confused. And he didn't want to think about _him_ any more than he had to. So he went instead to the 3rd division to see Kira. Unfortunately, they seemed to keep missing each other, and in the end, Renji returned to his barracks for a scheduled meeting with his captain.

Renji had been standing and listening to Kuchiki Taichou, during the meeting, for about five minutes before something utterly inexplicable happened.

"Taichou…I…love you."

They just slipped out. But as soon as he said them, he knew they were true, and he could neither retract them than he could deny his own self. So the cat was out of the bag.

Barely a flicker of surprise. Kuchiki Byakuya's expression was, as always, on the edge of being lifeless. Only someone who'd known him as long as Renji could see the subtle raising of his eyebrows that indicated significant surprise. "Oh?"

"I…probably always have." Renji could feel himself blushing and could almost have died from embarrassment, but he had come this far. He had to go on. "Always wanting to surpass you, but not really knowing why. I think it was because I wanted to be worthy of you. I wanted to be someone you could respect and rely on. And…trying to be that man has given me joy. So…what I want to know is, Taichou…if you…if you, could possibly…feel the same way…about me."

Renji waited, for perhaps the longest ten seconds of his life, unable to look up at his captain or look away from his feet. His body was frozen with anticipation, knowing that what happened next could either send him to the peak of happiness or the depths of despair. He had never longed so much to hear another person's voice as he longed to hear Kuchiki Taichou's voice at that moment.

The captain took in a pensive breath. "To be honest, I've never thought about it."

Renji almost laughed as he started to spiral into depression. Of course he hadn't. He really should have expected an answer like that before any other. "I see. And…could you?"

"That's impossible."

Renji felt the light of hope in his chest dissipate and sink. He lowered his gaze.

Worst of all, when Kuchiki Taichou replied it was in his disapproving parent voice. "Renji, disregarding for a moment the fact that I have never felt attracted to another man in that way, a relationship between a captain and vice captain is…unseemly." Renji barely managed a nod, still unable to move in any other way. "It's tantamount to a perversion of the purpose of the 13 divisions. Therefore, even if such feelings do exist, there is no way they can be accepted. Do you understand, Renji?"

Though he knew exactly why these things had to be said, the captain's exact choice of words did strike Renji as being unnecessarily cruel. He nodded again, and this time he was able to close his eyes for a moment in thought. When he opened them, he was able to look Kuchiki in the face. As long as he pretended he wasn't really there. "Yes…Taichou. Please forget what I said. Excuse me."

He tried to remain calm as he left his captain's office, but the blood was rushing so fast through his veins, he felt as if he was burning. All he could think of was his pain, embarrassment and horrible sadness. After what seemed like an eternity, he reached the edge of the 6th division barracks, and sank against the outer wall. He lowered his head to rest between his knees. What had he been thinking? Knowing as much about his captain as he did, could he ever have expected a different reply than that? He'd been stupid to even hope. Now he'd embarrassed himself, and worse, lost the respect of the one he loved, who was nevertheless his captain.

He sat there for what might have been hours, or might have been just minutes. Eventually, he noticed a shadow above him. "Abarai?"

Slowly, he lifted his head. There was Kira. The man he'd been looking for all day. "Ah…Kira…" he murmured, laughing through a hoarse voice. "You don't know what I've been through today."

The other vice captain looked down at Renji in sadness. "I do."

"Hm?" Renji muttered, glancing up at him again.

Kira sighed, and he extended a hand to Renji. Reluctantly, Renji allowed himself to be helped up, though once he was there he felt somehow too weak to stand. He leaned back against the wall, his head still lowered.

"Abarai…" Kira said, his hands steadying Renji on either arm. Hesitantly, Renji looked up and met his friend's eyes. "You may not believe me, but, I do understand. I really do. And I'm sorry."

Renji at first looked at Kira with humor, as if he was joking. "What? What are you sorry for…" but even before he could finish, the pain in Renji's chest tightened. His face became twisted with sadness, his eyes starting to sting. Shaking with emotions that he could no longer hide, he let his head fall onto Kira's shoulder. Without criticism or comment, the other man held him and allowed him to let out his emotions onto him until he was satisfied.

When Renji's shaking subsided, Kira drew his face up and looked him in the eyes. "Abarai, I want to talk to you more. Will you come to my room?"

At some level, Renji realized exactly what Kira meant by that. Though he was not in a state to be surprised by finding out something like that about a close friend, he felt doubts about accepting his offer. There was only one person Renji loved, he knew that now. Could he really betray that love? But then, he reminded himself, he wasn't betraying anyone. If anything, Kuchiki Taichou had made his feelings clear. He would much rather Renji turned his attention elsewhere. Was that really the case? Or would he hate him just as much for choosing another member of the 13 divisions? Renji wondered, dazedly. Eventually, he decided that nothing really mattered to him anymore. He nodded, and followed Kira to his room.

When they entered the room, the two men stood by the door in silence for a time. It was Kira who finally spoke.

"When I told you I understood what you're feeling now…I was talking about Ichimaru Taichou."

Despite his sadness, Renji looked up in confusion at that. "You and Ichimaru Gin?"

Kira glanced away, smiling through his embarrassment. "It was one-sided on my part. But…he found me amusing for a while and so he…let me be with him."

Renji felt himself blushing again. Partly because the image of the scene came to his mind, and partly just at the thought of Kuchiki Taichou letting him do that. "Oh…"

Kira sighed. He took a few steps inside his room and loosened the top of his kimono to relax. "I only realized after what happened what a fool I'd been. How easily he manipulated me. But then again, maybe it was partly his brilliance at using people that I found so attractive."

Renji looked at the ground, wondering what it was he found so attractive about Kuchiki Byakuya. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that there was no one single thing that attracted him. Everything about his captain was irresistible. How would he ever overcome this feeling?

He looked up to see Kira watching him. "I can more or less imagine what Kuchiki Taichou said to you," he said, slowly moving back toward Renji. "Those relationships are forbidden. A disgrace to the 13 divisions. Am I right?"

Renji's face darkened again.

Kira hesitantly touched him on the arm to reassure him. "I'm sorry. I really am. But I'm glad you found out this way, rather than the way I did. Sex with the person you love is most painful when you know your love isn't returned."

Renji closed his eyes, knowing instinctively that this was true, yet still unable to shake his intense desire. He burned for his captain, both body and heart. He still felt at a loss. Then a soft hand fell on his cheek. His face was held gently and drawn up to the level of his friend's. Kira's eyes held pity and kindness, things that he yearned for at that moment. He felt his resistance slipping even as Kira drew closer.

Soft lips met his own. Just a brushing kiss, as if Kira himself were hesitant to take another step further. Their eyes met again. Kira kissed him again, deeper this time. Renji wasn't sure how to react at first, never having kissed another man. But once again a thought of his captain entered his mind, and without thinking, he began to sink into the kiss.

Kira's lips left his again for a moment. The two men breathed heavily for a few moments, both unsure but both driven by desire. Kira kissed him again, and this time Renji felt the other man's passion through the touch of his skin. Renji was pressed up against the door, Kira's hands squeezing his arms at the elbows. Suddenly their clothing seemed like a hindrance. While Renji was still unsure, Kira undressed them both. Then he took Renji's hand, and wordlessly guided him to the bed.

Renji began to feel the heat building in his body. It had been so long since he'd felt the heat of another naked body against his own. His head began to swim with confusion, but through it all he felt the heat of Kira's touch, and his body gave over to the feeling.

Kira kissed Renji's cheek, neck, and stuck his tongue inside his ear. Renji made a small noise, for none of his previous partners had ever done that before. He felt his body melt with the gentle wet hotness there. Kira's teeth nipped the earlobe once before he continued down the rest of Renji's hard body.

Renji found himself shifting around, unable to stay still under Kira's careful ministrations. His voice started to sound strange even to himself, and he began to forget why he was here. His body was so hot, and Kira knew how to remedy it.

After several tantalizing kisses down his chest and stomach, Renji felt a hot tongue against the inside of his thigh. His erection poked up, growing harder at the new sensation. Then he gasped as teeth bit into the sensitive flesh, and his cock twitched in pleasure. His chest rose and fell heavily. He couldn't ask, but he wanted more from Kira. He wanted to come hard into Kira's hand or mouth, cover both their bodies in semen. His head fell back against the pillows, and he moaned as Kira continued to touch him.

Before he'd even been touched directly with fingers yet, Renji felt a wet hot sensation on the tip of his cock. He spasmed at the sudden touch, looking down at Kira's face. The other man was blushing and clearly just as hot as Renji was, but he moved with control, and again flicked his tongue against the sensitive part of Renji's penis. Renji's back arched. His voice became harsh with gasping.

"Abarai," Kira said, and idly his hands stroked Renji's erection.

"Y-yeah?" Renji asked.

"How would you feel if Kuchiki Taichou was doing this to you?"

Renji's eyes widened. His cheeks became hot, but he was too enveloped in heat now to stop the feeling. Without replying, his head fell back and he murmured, "Tai…chou…"

Kira, apparently having desired this reaction, clasped Renji's cock between his lips and sucked down his length several times, from base to tip. Renji convulsed with feeling, unable to speak through Kira's movements.

Finally he murmured, "Ah…Taichou…!"

So Kira sucked him harder.

"Ah! Ah…ah…oh, that's too much…wait, Kira…!"

With an audible popping sound, Kira yanked his mouth away from Renji's cock. The red-haired man cried out, and then returned to panting. He was splayed upon the bed, his chest rising and falling with every labored breath, his body clearly aching with lust. Kira swallowed.

After wetting it liberally in his mouth, Kira reached a finger down to Renji's hole. The other man suddenly appeared lucid. "Kira?" he murmured.

"No…" Kira said, leaning down over him. His lips hovered over Renji's, and despite the other man's surprise, there was still lust in his eyes. "It's not me, but Kuchiki Taichou doing this to you…Renji," he said, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

Renji nearly jumped, his heart flying into his throat. Only a few people called him by his first name, and Kuchiki Taichou was one of them.

With that, Kira began making small circles around the tight opening. Renji still panted, but became unsure how he should feel. Kira took the opportunity to take his ear into his mouth again.

"Ah…" Renji sighed, his eyes fluttering shut. "Kira…wait…"

"Not Kira."

Renji glanced up at his friend, and whether it was a trick of the light or his mind leaving sanity, he really didn't see Kira.

"Kuchiki Byakuya," Kira repeated.

Renji panted harder. His captain was looking down at him, his lips achingly close, his deep voice rumbling against Renji's chest. Renji's lips parted and his tongue lolled forward with desire. Even if it was an illusion, he didn't care. He tried to bridge the gap between their mouths, unable to wait any longer.

Kira kissed him hard, banishing away all thoughts of resistance. He could tell from the hazy look in Renji's eyes that he wasn't really seeing Kira anymore, but his captain. Kira didn't care. He wished he'd been able to even imagine real love with Ichimaru Taichou.

In the middle of this intense kiss, Kira slipped a finger inside of Renji's loosening hole. The other man gasped.

"Ah…ah…Taichou?"

"Yes, Renji. He's the one doing this to you. His fingers…deeeep inside of you…"

Kira flexed and stretched the finger, causing Renji to gasp. "Ah…wait…it's…"

"Does it hurt?"

"No, it's…strange…I feel strange…"

Kira's brought his mouth so close to Renji's that their lips brushed as he whispered to him. "You want Kuchiki Byakuya's cock inside you?"

Renji moaned, and his hips began to buck with each movement of Kira's finger. When Kira was satisfied with his reaction, he inserted another.

Renji seemed to be losing it. He covered his eyes with his hands. "Taichou…it's so strange…I want to come so bad…"

"Wait till I'm inside you," Kira whispered to him.

The red-haired man almost whimpered, his sensitive body writhing under Kira's skillful touch. Then, suddenly, his large hands grasped Kira by the shoulders. He trembled for a moment, before saying in a hot whisper, "Taichou. Please…"

Kira could have come from those words alone, even if they weren't meant for him. Unable to wait any longer, he shoved Renji back against the bed with a hand over his eyes, and mauled his lips with abandon. The other man's moaning only encouraged him, and he positioned himself outside Renji's entrance.

"Ahhhh…" Kira moaned. The tip slipped inside without much resistance, but then Renji seemed to tense up, and Kira was stuck. He panted through his desire, checking the urge to shove it deep inside, and leaned down to Renji again. He placed gentle kisses against his face, nuzzling his wild red locks out of his face. "Relax, Renji. Does it hurt?"

The red-head's face tensed up every few breaths, but between those looks of pain was confused pleasure. "Of course it does…stupid…" Both men chuckled slightly, and Kira kissed him again. "Taichou…" Renji muttered.

"Relax, Renji," Kira said, kissing his jaw. "If I get in a little deeper, it'll start to feel so much better."

Hesitantly, Renji swallowed and tried to relax his entrance to allow Kira deeper inside. Kira sighed with pleasure, and eased himself deeper. They both panted for a moment once he was fully in.

"Renji…" he said, into the other man's ear. "You feel so good. It's so hot inside you."

"Tai…chou…." Renji replied, helplessly.

Slowly, Kira began to move. He shifted his weight slightly, and impaled Renji to the point that felt best. Both men let out a gasp, and Renji grasped Kira's shoulders, trembling with pleasure. Kira kissed him deeply, and then began to thrust inside of him.

"Ahhh, Taichou!" Renji panted. "Taichou…Taichou…what is this? It feels…so good!"

"My cock is inside you, Renji," Kira growled, and gave him a possessive bite on the neck. "I'm thrusting deep inside you. You belong to me now. Say you're mine."

"Taichou…!"

"How does my cock feel inside you? Is it driving you crazy with pleasure? Tell me to make you come."

"Ah…Taichou…please…more!"

"I'm reaching the deepest part of you, can you feel me? You're being raped by your captain. Doesn't it feel good?"

"It's…so good…Taichou! More, please! Ah…ah…ahh!"

"I'm going to make you come, Renji. I'm going to fill your insides with my cum, and it's going to feel so good you're going to faint. Now, come for me, Renji. Come from my cock inside you."

"Ahhh…ahh…oh, Taichou…yes, yes! There, that feels so good! Ahh…ahhh…ah!"

Kira grunted, reaching the peak of his ecstasy. "I'm going to come, Renji."

"Yes…ahh…ahh!"

"Ah…coming!"

"Taichou!"

Kira thrust hard inside him, white hot come spewing into Renji's gut. Renji shook with pleasure, and a moment later his cock sprayed white semen all over his own chest. Kira ached as he felt Renji squeezing him tighter during his orgasm, and both men moaned their pleasure loudly. Kira's slender body fell, exhausted, onto Renji's larger one. They lay, unable to move, for a long time, Kira's cock still deep inside him. Eventually, Kira shifted himself out of Renji, and they both sighed and the sensation. Then Kira collapsed on top of him, and they both fell into a deep sleep.

During the night, Renji found himself waking softly while sleeping in Kira's bed. Thoughts of what they had done made him blush. It had felt good, but…was this what he really wanted? Elsewhere in Soul Society, a certain captain had his thoughts caught up by something his subordinate had said. Much more than he expected to.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Byakuya watched Renji leave his office in a daze. Once he was gone, Byakuya frowned after him. What had caused his vice captain to act so strangely? Perhaps it was something he had eaten. Byakuya returned to his desk and began filling out documents.

There was a knock on his door.

"Come in," he muttered, without looking up.

The 3rd division's vice captain Kira Izuru hesitantly poked his head inside. He nodded in lieu of a bow when he saw Byakuya. "Excuse me, Kuchiki Taichou. I heard that Abarai Fukutaichou was looking for me. Have you seen him?"

"Yes, but I don't know where he is now. I imagine he returned to his quarters."

"Oh, I see," Kira nodded again with a hesitant smile. "Thank you."

As he was leaving, Byakuya added, "But I wouldn't go near him now if I were you."

Kira stopped as he was turning to go. He glanced back at the captain. "May I ask what you mean?"

Byakuya blinked, for him an expression of indifference. "He seems to be sick. He was in here a moment ago acting strange."

"Strange how?"

"He said he was in love with me."

Kira stood dumbfounded, no doubt at Byakuya's straightforward way of saying it as much as anything else. "He said…he loved you?"

"Yes. So I suggest you give him a while to cool off. But let me or the 4th division know if he says he loves anyone else today. We should find out if it's contagious as well."

Kira shook his head slowly, trying to comprehend what he was hearing. "Has he ever said this to you before?"

"No."

"Did he say why he was telling you now?"

Byakuya was growing bored, though as always it was nowhere near his facial expression. "I don't think so."

"Well…what did you say to him?"

His black eyes flicked up to the vice captain taking up space in his office. "What do you think? Whether or not he was deluded at the time, I answered him honestly and professionally. He should be fine in the morning, but I'll send the 4th division to look in on him anyway."

"I don't think they'll be able to help with this," Kira muttered under his breath, shaking his head.

"What was that?" Byakuya muttered, starting to lose his patience.

The vice captain looked a bit nervous in front of Byakuya, but he said hesitantly, "It's just…whatever state of mind he was in, if he was serious about what he was saying, I doubt he wanted you to be professional."

"Meaning?"

Kira looked uncomfortable again, scratching the back of his neck. "Meaning…he probably just wanted some reassurance. To know that you value him at the very least. That you think of him. I don't think it would have been wrong to tell him that."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed. He had no interest in being told what to do by a simple subordinate, not to mention someone who didn't know the situation. "Considering his past behavior, today was a fluke. I don't plan on thinking about it any more deeply than that. If you have no other business, Kira Fukutaichou…"

Kira frowned deeply at Byakuya, but he said nothing that he was thinking. "Then, excuse me."

He left and closed the door behind him. Byakuya rubbed his temples. Was it a full moon?

The next day, Byakuya finished his office work without incident and headed home for the evening. On the way, he passed by a kimono shop. He spotted a black silk fabric patterned with pink cherry blossoms. After passing it briefly through his fingers to make sure of its quality, he ordered a kimono to be made for Rukia, as a gift. One of the few signs that he was a caring older brother, sometimes too much so, was that he knew Rukia's measurements by heart. Having done this, he continued on his way.

He walked with purpose, as always, but slowed when he heard strange sounds coming from around the empty ally behind him. He stopped and turned, because the noises sounded indecent. That type of behavior in public needed to be punished.

He headed toward the ally he had just passed, but stopped when he saw a familiar mane of red. His eyes widened.

Renji, his long red hair hanging loose and wild, was pressed up against the ally wall by Kira, who was currently doing indecent things to him. Worse, Renji seemed to be enjoying it. Kira's left hand teased Renji's nipples. He rained kisses down upon the red-head's neck and chest, while Renji gasped and desperately tried to hide the sound of his voice. Kira's right hand seemed hidden at first, and then Byakuya realized what he was doing. With his right hand, Kira was massaging his own member along with Renji's, underneath the cover of both their kimonos. Gradually, both men became lost in the motions of Kira's hand.

Renji's gasps rose, despite his attempts to hide them. Though Kira's face was buried in his neck, kissing, sucking and biting passionately, Renji had his eyes closed and his face turned upward. And then Byakuya heard something that he wished he hadn't.

"T-…Taichou! Kuchiki…Taichou!"

He recoiled. Forgetting the need to punish offenders of public space, Byakuya turned on his heel and headed for home faster than before. He shook his head, trying to pretend he had seen nothing just now. Or that the person being violated by Kira had been anyone but his vice captain.

Renji came hard into Kira's hand, and Kira too came only moments later. The two men trembled and clung to each other for long moments, enjoying the afterglow. Slowly, Renji's eyes opened. And suddenly the shame of the past two days seemed all too real to him. He closed his eyes again.

"Kira," he said, softly. The blond raised his head to look Renji in the eyes. Renji shook his head. "I don't think I want this."

Kira seemed a bit downcast, but he didn't say so. "I was worried this sort of thing might be too much for you. I just wanted to comfort you. I'm sorry, Abarai."

The red-head chuckled awkwardly and shook his head again. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I'm grateful. And…it felt good. Really good." Kira blinked at this confession, then he blushed and looked away. When he saw Kira blushing, Renji did too. They stood in awkward silence for a few moments. "I feel much better than I did yesterday. And it's because you've been so kind to me. Really, thank you."

Kira smiled shyly and shrugged. "I enjoyed it too, after all."

They both laughed a little. "Of course you did, I'm a damn good fuck," Renji said, and that made Kira laugh loudly. "Really, thanks, Kira."

Kira nodded. "No problem, Abarai. Come to me anytime." His smile faded as a thought occurred to him. "What are you going to do about Kuchiki Taichou?"

Renji closed his eyes, trying to hide the sadness. "Nothing I can do. Even if he hadn't rejected me as completely as he did, and even if I didn't have to see him every day, I've…been doing these things. I've dirtied myself. Not you! I mean, you're not dirty, it's just that…I only wanted to do those things with him. And now I've done them with someone else…it just doesn't feel right."

Kira shook his head with a smile. "Abarai, you don't need to explain it to me. I understand. Even after Ichimaru Taichou's betrayal, I still didn't want to see anyone else for a long time. But even if it was a mistake for you…" He brushed Renji's long hair out of his face and behind his ear. "I'm still glad I got to be with you like this."

Renji blushed, but smiled at the warm feeling that those words gave him. Even if Kira wasn't the one he wanted to be with, it still felt good to be wanted. Maybe someday he might find sanctuary in those kind smiles and warm embraces.

"Well…after sex, the next best thing to mend a broken heart must be alcohol! Shall we throw you a broken-heart party?" Kira chuckled.

Renji laughed. "Actually, that might be fun."

Byakuya was still in shock when he reached home. He closed himself up in his room for a while, first trying to think things through, then trying to distract himself by practicing his shodou. Eventually, when none of the characters seemed to display any emotion other than dismay, he was back to rubbing his temples again. The world must be going crazy.

As a strange thought came to him, he felt a twinge of anger rise in his chest. Renji was clearly out of his mind, that was a given. But if he was maybe drugged…or there was something strange going on with his body, perhaps dormant feelings of admiration that he felt for his captain had turned suddenly into something more than that, against his will. If so then all his actions were excusable. However it left him vulnerable to manipulation. What if the person to take advantage of that had been Kira? That explained everything. The cause of Renji's problem he would leave for another time. For now, he must investigate what Kira was trying to accomplish by manipulating Renji.

He pushed his shodou away and stood to leave.

He slid open the door of his room and bumped into something small. "Oh…Nii-sama!" Rukia rubbed her forehead, which had hit Byakuya's elbow as he opened the door, and then she bowed slightly. "Good afternoon."

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked.

"Uh, yes. To Renji's party."

"Party?" Byakuya repeated, frowning.

Rukia jumped at his sharp tone. "Yes. Kira said it was a broken-heart party."

Ignoring the rest of what she had said, Byakuya sighed angrily at hearing Kira's name. "I'll go too," he announced.

Rukia stumbled over her words for a moment. "Well…it's just a few people, I should ask Kira if it's all right…Also I don't think Nii-sama is the right person to…"

Byakuya glared down at her.

"Although I'm sure it's fine!" Rukia said, laughing uncomfortably and glancing away.

Every single person at this party, which included Kira, Rukia, Matsumoto, Hisagi, Ikkaku and Yumichika, knew the cause of Renji's "broken heart". What none of them could figure out was why that very cause was sitting at the bar with them, downing sake like water. At first there were many whispers, and a general feeling of discomfort with the grave atmosphere around said person, but when Kuchiki Taichou seemed uninterested in what was going on, gradually the mood elevated, and the partiers resolved simply not to mention the cause of Renji's unhappiness aloud.

Renji, for his part, was stunned at his captain's participation, which he didn't understand even after Rukia explained it to him. He struggled to remember a time when Kuchiki Taichou had willingly gone out to a party, particularly with people he considered inferior (subordinates). But nevertheless, he tried to have a good time and express his appreciation for what his friends were trying to do.

At one point in the evening, Kira leaned in close to whisper something in Renji's ear. Renji laughed a little bit and nodded.

Suddenly, Kuchiki's sake cup slammed loudly against the table. All talking ceased, and every set of eyes, even those from other tables, was aimed at the dark look on Kuchiki's face. Then the captain got to his feet.

"Renji," he said. Then he grabbed his vice captain's arm. "Come with me for a moment."

Renji sat agape at first, and then slowly rose. Once he did, Kuchiki nearly dragged him out of the bar by his elbow.

Byakuya rounded a corner and shoved Renji against the wall behind the establishment, pinning him down by the shoulder. "What are you thinking?"

Renji was taken aback, truly not sure what was happening. He didn't think he'd ever seen his captain so openly angry, except maybe during his fight with Ichigo. What had he done that had caused this so constantly settled person to become so agitated? "Taichou?"

"He is taking advantage of you. And you're letting him. Don't you have any pride as a man?"

Renji's dark eyes became lidded with sadness, and shame at discovering the fact that his captain had somehow found out what he had been doing. "I do, but…" he looked away. "Please don't say such things about Kira. He was just being kind."

Byakuya's jaw muscles tightened. "Kind?" He thought about what it meant to be kind. "What do you mean by kindness…Something's happened to you, you're sick. He's perverted and dragging you into something perverse against your will. I won't have my subordinate behaving this way."

Renji couldn't speak for a moment, filled simultaneously with shame and anger. "Taichou…" he said, eventually. "I may be sick, but not in the way you think. I know how things must look to you, but this isn't something that happened to me suddenly, I've been feeling this way for a long time. Eventually I just couldn't hold it in anymore."

Byakuya listened to this while realization was slowly dawning on him. The idea that Renji was plagued by some strange illness slowly faded. But…what was the alternative?

"Listen, I…won't say it anymore. And I won't do things like what I did with Kira, so please don't try to take care of me anymore. Your concern just hurts my pride and gives me false hope. I just want to forget about all this and let my feelings fade."

Byakuya's stomach lurched painfully. Why did that upset him? Wasn't that the ideal solution?

Renji paused for a moment, realizing his captain somehow knew something he shouldn't. "Taichou, how did you know about me and Kira?"

Byakuya's eyes widened slightly, but he quickly glanced away. "Does it matter?" he replied, noncommittally, though his heart was pounding in his ears.

"No, I guess it doesn't," Renji muttered, glancing away. "I'm sorry, Taichou. Please try to forget all of this."

With that, Renji gently broke free of Byakuya's grip on his shoulder, and returned to the bar where his friends were waiting. Byakuya stayed behind, gazing at the space where Renji had been, and wondering what was going on inside his own head.

So. No mysterious malady was plaguing his vice captain. What he'd said on that day had been nothing more or less than his true feelings. It didn't change much about the situation; such feelings were still just as wrong. But now Byakuya had no excuse for his vice captain. Maybe he'd been looking for one, and that was why he believed such a ridiculous story as a mystery illness.

Byakuya greeted Hisana, as he did each morning, but this time he stayed behind for a time in the silent room, watched over by his late wife's beautiful image. How long since Byakuya had even considered romantic issues? Decades at least.

He sighed heavily. "What would you do?" he asked her.

Of course, her image in the shrine was silent as ever, but by looking at it, Byakuya was always able to imagine what her reply would have been. And having done so, he sighed again.

"It's true. I can't remove him from his post for this. I could always find some other reason, but I have no one to replace him. Besides, he said he wanted to forget about it…"

Byakuya paused, halted by a strange feeling in his gut.

"Why would he say that?" he wondered aloud. If it were him, he would never want to forget about someone he truly loved. He glanced up at Hisana, and felt the usual aching in his chest, although over the years it had almost become pleasant. It reminded him of her. He would never forget her as long as he lived.

"Does he love me so little, then?" Byakuya wondered, his face and voice still emotionless as usual, although there was a small amount of bite in his tone. "If he went so far as to express such inappropriate feelings over someone he could forget so easily, I must be giving him too much credit. I'm disappointed in him."

And yet even as he said this, he knew Renji was not the sort of man to act frivolously. In truth, he'd never seen or heard of Renji doing anything inappropriate romantically speaking. Not ever. They'd been together a long time. Part of him wanted to disavow all those years that he had relied on him as a skillful and capable subordinate. That part of him felt betrayed and disgusted. Another part would be sad to lose him, but he paid little heed to that. The practical part of him said that the issue was done with, he would return to his duties and Byakuya's only responsibility was to forget all that had happened.

Why should that be so difficult?

After that, nearly a month passed without incident. After a few days of seeming slightly dimmer than his normal self, Renji bounced back. Byakuya caught himself many times watching him, whether to make sure he was all right or make sure he didn't try to cause trouble again, he wasn't quite sure himself. And without being aware of it himself, there was hardly a moment his eyes left him when in conversation with Kira Izuru. Byakuya still had some lingering anger toward that man, even after the situation had been explained to him. At any rate, he would always suspect someone else's subordinates of misconduct before his own.

It was around that time that Byakuya's daily office duties were interrupted by a lot of shouting toward the direction of the barracks. His eyes flicked in that direction. It didn't sound like an enemy attack, but in any event he should see why his division was causing a ruckus.

Once he left the building and walked into the bailey, he saw a large number of shinigami from the 11th division, headed up by a grinning Maradame Ikkaku. Renji was facing him off with his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised, flanked by most of the seated officers of the 6th, and shinigami from both divisions were shouting at one another.

Suddenly, Madarame raised his arm with one finger pointed skyward. Then he lowered it so it pointed at Renji. "I think we understand one another," he said, loud enough to be heard over the shouting.

At that, the shouts dimmed down to wait for Renji's reply. "We do," he said simply.

"Tomorrow, in the 11th division training field, 5 o'clock!"

Renji nodded. At once, the jeers started up again, the normally collected 6th division members cat-calling the 11th division until they were out of sight. At that, several seated officers closed in to talk to Renji. It was then that Byakuya's presence was finally noticed.

"Ah, Taichou!" Renji said, smiling. "We've just been challenged."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. How boorish. "And you agreed to something like that?"

"I have to. I'm the captain."

"Excuse me?" Byakuya said, incredulously.

"Oops, sorry, I thought you heard what we were talking about. It's futsal. We got challenged by the 11th division. I'm the 6th division captain, and Ikkaku-san is the 11th. Would it be all right if we left the barracks during that time?"

Byakuya scoffed lightly, turning away with just a trace of annoyance. "As you wish."

"Oh, then Taichou, would you like to come along?"

Byakuya glanced at him.

"I'm sure you wouldn't want to play, but it might be fun to watch. I think we're pretty good. Plus," Renji said, in a voice that was almost conspiratorial. "It's for the honor of the 6th division."

A vein twitched in Byakuya's forehead. He was silent for a moment, and then said, "I'll think about it."

The 6th division team was indeed nothing to sniff at. Even in comparison to the brutish 11th division, which was not above "unorthodox" tactics to make a goal, they still held their own. Byakuya didn't really know much about this modern human sport, but it wasn't as boring as he thought either. Eventually, the match was decided when one of the 11th division cronies discreetly kicked Renji – who had the ball – hard in the knee. The vice captain stumbled, losing the ball to the other team. They scored, and the match was over. Byakuya's eyes narrowed.

After the players started to disperse, Renji noticed Byakuya watching among the small crowd that had gathered and waved, patting his face with a towel. He walked over, trying unsuccessfully to hide his slight limp. Byakuya's eyebrow twitched a little.

"Taichou!" Renji said, with a smile. "Thanks for coming, I didn't think you would."

Byakuya closed his eyes briefly to stave off his annoyance. "Why didn't you call foul?"

Renji blinked for a moment, and Byakuya flicked his eyes to his knee. "Oh…" Renji murmured.

"I don't think anyone else saw. Yet it may have lost you the match because of it. It's infuriating."

Renji merely laughed. "I still had fun, though. The 11th division is always like that, you get used to it. I can take it, and they weren't really trying to hurt me anyway. Plus, I don't want to be the kind of man who wins by nitpicking. We played well, but if we'd really wanted to win, we would have played so well that even cheating wouldn't make a difference." He laughed again. "Of course I say that easily, doesn't mean I know how to do it."

Byakuya held back from showing his surprise. There it was. The reason that he forgave Renji his brashness, low class and occasional mistakes. Along with his tenacious desire to improve his skills, there was always that note of honesty in the way he fought, as if winning didn't matter unless it was done a certain way. Though Byakuya had no such qualms, the fact that Renji's sense of honor exceeded that of his own in some respects truly did impress him. It was something not to be undervalued.

He sighed slightly. "It's your choice, I suppose."

"We're going out drinking after this. You're welcome to come along if you want," Renji said, though there was little hope in his eyes.

Byakuya glanced at him suspiciously. Then he looked away. "If I have the time."

Renji smiled.

Byakuya was highly irritated to see that among Renji's usual cohorts who had come to watch the match and therefore to the bar afterward, was Kira. But knowing that expressing his distaste would only reflect badly on himself, Byakuya simply partook sake on his own, not sure why he had agreed to come in the first place.

Renji was overdoing it. It took less than an hour for him to start laughing outrageously, and though he was not the only one, it still grated Byakuya's nerves. It was just another sign of Renji's poor upbringing and tastelessness.

Then at some point someone gathered together a bunch of chopsticks and suggested they play the Ousama game. Byakuya sighed. This was why he hated drinking parties. Just an excuse for childlike individuals to behave childishly in public. Having said that, he'd been downing sake consistently since they arrived and was not quite as composed as he assumed himself to be.

Not really knowing why, he agreed to play. He picked a chopstick from out of the game-inciter's fist and glanced at the number. 4.

The "king" was one of the worst persons he could have imagined. The devilish, sexy and already quite drunk Matsumoto. She giggled as she gazed around the room of expectant people, who were partly wishing and partly dreading that she would call their number.

"Well, to start with…number five has to finish his drink."

Ikkaku grinned and downed the remainder of his beer in one swig, followed by mild applause.

"Next…number two has to do an impression of his or her captain."

Iba Fukutaichou cleared his throat. Abruptly, he cupped his hands and placed them on top of his head for ears. Then he said, "Grrrrr."

This was met with raucous laughter, and though Byakuya was not quite enjoying himself, he was not as annoyed as he thought he would be.

"Now, let's get down to business. Number seven and number three…must kiss."

Byakuya rolled his eyes.

But to his shock, it was Renji who blushed and stood up, followed by an embarrassed Hisagi. Renji was chuckling as they approached one another, Hisagi just looked uncomfortable. But Renji kissed him quickly on the lips and then raced back to his seat, followed by whoops and hollers. Byakuya's hand tightened on his sake cup. Hadn't Renji promised not to do such things anymore? Or had his promise only applied to Kira?

Byakuya's foul mood hung around the whole night. As a result, no matter who became the king after that, no one had the nerve to ask Byakuya to do anything embarrassing. As the party was winding down, someone noticed that Renji was passed out on the table. Byakuya had noticed, but said nothing. Kira laughed and offered to walk him home. Byakuya's jaw muscles twitched.

Within moments, he was by Renji's side, sliding his arm over his shoulder and away from Kira. "We're going to the same place," he said, by way of excuse for his rudeness.

Kira smirked a little to himself. Then he said, "Fair enough. But of the two of us, you've had much more to drink than me. I'd better come along, just in case."

Byakuya's jaw tightened again. "Suit yourself."

The walk back to the 6th division barracks was extremely quiet and uncomfortable. Renji was mumbling things and laughing to himself, but whatever he was saying was completely inscrutable to the more sober individuals beside him. Then, abruptly, Kira started up a conversation.

"So," he said. "How _did_ you find out about me and Abarai?"

Byakuya nearly tripped. "Excuse me?"

"Abarai mentioned that you chewed him out over being taken advantage of by me. Now, regardless of my intentions, I still think it's interesting that you knew about us at all. I didn't tell anyone. I know Abarai didn't. There's one other possibility I can think of, but I think it's unlikely that someone of your stature would engage in such…unseemly activities as spying on other people's romance."

Byakuya wanted to punch him. "You blithely call it spying. I was walking down a public street. You two were behaving like dogs in heat. It's not like I wanted anything to do with you."

Kira gave a smirk of superiority. "So you did see that time."

Byakuya ground his teeth unconsciously. "So what? I've already forgotten it."

"Hm," Kira replied, noncommittally. A few more moments of silence passed, and then he said, "Kuchiki Taichou. What exactly are you trying to do?"

"What are you talking about?" Byakuya asked, both surprised and irritated at his serious tone.

Kira glanced at the ground for a few paces before speaking again. "He's trying so hard to get over you. When you hang around him it just makes him waver, lose his nerve. Especially since you have no intention of answering his feelings, I would really appreciate it if you didn't spend time with him outside of work."

He stared at the subordinate. "What right do you have to order me around?"

"I said I would appreciate it, not that I demand it. I'm asking as his friend."

"Oh really?" Byakuya needled, sensing more to it than that. "And yet for a friend you do some very strange things. Friends don't generally sleep with friends by the way, at least not in my dictionary. And now you seem to be interfering in what is clearly his and my business alone. I don't see any of his other 'friends' interfering in his love life. And yet from start to finish, here you are. Can you tell me a friend is all you are?"

Kira stopped in his tracks and gazed defiantly at the captain. "No."

Byakuya's breath hitched. He hadn't expected that.

"I have feelings for him. I won't lie. But he's clearly not interested in me, at least not yet, so of course I won't push him. I'm still waiting for him to get over a certain tightly wound captain, and you just seem to want to make things difficult. I'm asking why you're doing that. If I were you, confessed to by someone I could never consider that way, I'd want as much space between us as possible. So what, Kuchiki Taichou, do you think you are doing here?"

Byakuya had no response for this speech, and was even more stunned by how naturally it emerged from the normally taciturn Kira's mouth. It felt like something he had been thinking for a while. And yet Byakuya had no idea what to say in return. He didn't know the answer to that question himself. Why wasn't he disgusted by Renji now? Quite the opposite, why had he started spending even more time with him than he had before?

"By the way, we're here," Kira said, his anger fading.

Byakuya looked up. Indeed they had reached the 6th division barracks. Byakuya glanced down, still not sure how to respond.

Kira's eyes darkened. "I suppose I can trust an honorable man like yourself not to take advantage of him in this state."

Byakuya's temper flared. "Watch your tongue."

"Fine. But let me say this: if you think for a moment that you can do anything other than hurt him by acting the way you are, you are badly mistaken. I, at least, can offer him some comfort. And if he's able to forget about you, I know he'll be much happier. I'm sure you agree?"

Byakuya was frozen with rage for several long seconds. Eventually he said, "Go home, Kira Fukutaichou."

Kira watched them for a time as they entered the 6th division barracks. Then he turned on his heel and left.

Byakuya took a stumbling Renji back to his room, and dumped him unceremoniously on the bed. He was about to leave when a hand caught his sleeve.

He turned to look at Renji, whose expression had gone from happy-go-lucky to quiet and forlorn. He didn't say anything or let go of Byakuya's sleeve for a few moments. Byakuya could tell he was still drunk by his glazed eyes and slow movements, but he might be starting to sober up now.

"Taichou…" he murmured, softly. Byakuya stared, but said nothing. "I…I really do love you."

Byakuya turned sharply away.

"I'm sorry. Please don't go."

The very hopelessness in Renji's voice as he said these quiet words stopped Byakuya in his tracks. His chest was aching.

"Please just stay with me a little longer. I won't say it anymore."

Byakuya turned to look at Renji in surprise. Hot tears were flowing down his face, though he neither sobbed nor sniffled. He cried silently and unabashedly, gazing with quiet desperation as he tried to stall his captain from leaving.

"Taichou…"

Byakuya slowly turned away for a moment, which was met by a very soft sob. Then he settled himself down on the bed beside Renji. His vice captain looked surprised for a moment, and then he softly turned his body toward his captain, still clutching onto his sleeve.

Kira's words echoed in Byakuya's head as he sat beside his trembling vice captain. Doing this was only weakening Renji's resolve. Slowing down his path to happiness. His only duty now was to leave and stop hanging around Renji altogether. Yet he did not move.

Gradually, he heard Renji's breath grow more even, and when he glanced down, his eyes were closed, and his grip on Byakuya's sleeve had loosened. Byakuya gazed at him for a time, wondering what this very masculine man could see in him. Byakuya was not modest, he knew he was attractive to women. But since he almost never considered homosexuality as an option at all, he had no idea what men could find attractive about other men. Was it his face? He honestly doubted that it was his personality. Although he was not modest, he was a realist and he knew that fiery individuals like Renji were not good at dealing with cool personalities like his own. He sighed, resolving to leave the issue alone, because he'd probably never know.

Renji slept like a little kid, limbs all in disarray and a small trail of drool coming out his mouth. Byakuya raised an eyebrow. But Renji's expression was troubled. He was showing that face that Byakuya had seen on him so often lately. As if he were in pain. Byakuya's chest tightened.

He took another few breaths while watching his vice captain, many things running through his mind. But at the moment, along with impaired judgment from the vast amount of sake in his system, there was a flicker of curiosity. Before he knew what he was doing, he wiped the drool from Renji's cheek with his thumb. Then his face grew closer. His lips touched his vice captain's.

A soft mouth, much larger than Hisana's. Kissing him felt passionate, rather than sweet as it had been with his late wife. He wondered what Renji kissing him back would feel like.

Slowly, he rose. Kira's words floated up in his mind again, and he flushed with shame. He left his vice captain's quarters, and hoped the alcohol would dim his memory of this night.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Renji woke up feeling like his head was in a vice. He'd known he was drinking too much but somehow he just felt uninhibited that night. Part of it, he knew, was happiness that his captain had not only come to see him play, but come to party afterwards. It was so unusual that he'd gone a bit overboard.

But he'd had a dream that night. A sweet dream, but it still made him sad. He'd dreamt that he felt Kuchiki's hand on his face. And then the softest of kisses on his lips. It had felt so real that it almost made him cry. Even now, thinking about it made his chest ache. But Kira was right. He was only fooling himself by entertaining hopes. It was strange the way Kuchiki Taichou had been acting lately, but he was sure it didn't mean anything.

The next day, Renji started seeing a taste of what was in store for him if he really did want to forget about Kuchiki Taichou. For no reason he could see, his captain started avoiding him. At work, everything seemed normal, except for the fact that he wouldn't meet his eye line, and seemed to stay as far apart physically as possible. But if they met on the street Kuchiki would not even glance his way. Renji tried to reconcile his relief from him not having to be the one to create distance between them, with the near constant pain in his chest that came from Kuchiki Taichou avoiding him. Still, this was all for the best, wasn't it?

On a free afternoon, Renji was hanging around the 9th division barracks with Hisagi and Kira. The later had actually fallen asleep beneath a tree while the other two were chatting.

"So…" Hisagi said softly. "Abarai, you're…close with Matsumoto, right?"

Renji suppressed a snort of laughter. Everyone was well aware of Hisagi's little crush on Matsumoto Rangiku, including, Renji suspected, the person herself. "I don't think I'm much closer to her than you are. Why?"

Hisagi blushed a little bit. "No reason, I just noticed that her birthday was coming up. I was wanting to get her something but…I don't have the slightest idea what she would like."

Renji considered. "That's a good question. I know she likes…dried persimmons."

"Oh," Hisagi said, interestedly.

"But that's maybe a sore subject, since Ichimaru Taichou liked them too."

"Oh" he replied, with disappointment. "Right. Ichimaru Taichou. So, Abarai, you can be honest, what do you think was going on between those two?"

Renji tried to contain his reaction. "I'm pretty sure nothing, except that they were childhood friends. I heard something about Ichimaru Taichou having an affair with someone else, anyway."

"Oh really? Who?"

Renji sweated a little. "Don't know. Doesn't matter. Anyway, I think you're good. I still wouldn't mention him though."

"Like I would mention a romantic rival. Speaking of which, how are things with Kuchiki Taichou?"

Renji wilted. "Please don't bring it up. I had just forgotten."

"Something happen?"

"He's just started ignoring me. It was weird enough that he was being so nice to me recently, but I have to say I prefer that to this."

"Kira thinks that's better for you, though, if he doesn't hang around you so much."

Renji sighed. "I'm sure it is."

Hisagi dealt his friend an affectionate smirk. "You've got it rough."

"Don't want to hear it from you, though."

Kira pretended he hadn't heard any of this.

The next day, Byakuya's morning was interrupted by an unwelcome knock on the door of his office. He could sense through the door whose reiatsu it was, and sighed internally. "Come in," he said, though in his mind it sounded more like 'fuck off'.

Kira stepped into his office with a rather offensive smile, with no warmth in it. "So. I see you followed my advice."

Byakuya barely glanced up from his paperwork. "Is there something I can do for you, Kira Fukutaichou?" he said tersely.

"No. I just came to thank you. So thanks." With that, it looked like Kira was about to leave.

Byakuya flicked an unpleasant look his way. "For what?"

Kira suddenly grew serious. He stopped turning toward the door and faced Byakuya again. "I believe I remember telling you my feelings about him."

"Jesus," Byakuya muttered.

"And what you're doing is not only helping Renji to forget a bad experience," Byakuya's chest tightened a little, "but also to help him to move on. I hope that that means he can move on to someone who loves him."

"Like you?"

Kira's face lost some of its calmness. "Yes, Kuchiki Taichou. And not someone like me. Me. I'm the one who's there for him right now. There was no one there for me when I had a similar experience, and I know how bad it can be. I truly want to help him. It seems you've finally made the decision to do the same. So I thank you for that."

"Kira," Byakuya said, losing his patience. "Don't ever speak to me on this topic again. If you have no other business then please get out."

Kira didn't seem pleased to hear this. "What's got your feathers ruffled, Kuchiki Taichou?"

"This endless conversation."

"Does it upset you that Abarai might forget his feelings for you?"

"Don't make me sick. Although I can't approve of your relationship with him, there's nothing I want more than for him to forget about his feelings."

Byakuya had sensed that Kira's previous question had been half joking. But at his honest reply, Kira's expression grew dark. "Taichou. You seem to be misunderstanding something. You seem to think that if you lie to yourself, you can fool me too. How long do you think that's going to work?"

Byakuya glared up at the vice captain. "I don't know what you're implying."

"Shall I make it clear for you? You're pretending Abarai is nothing more than a subordinate, and that losing his affection means nothing to you."

"Why would I need to pretend?" Byakuya muttered. "It's the truth."

Kira's fists tightened. "You do realize that you're not only insulting my intelligence, but you're also insulting someone I love in the process."

Another glare. "Kira Fukutaichou. If you continue to press me I will tell you exactly what you want to hear. And then what? What will you do if I tell you I won't let you have him? I believe you're forgetting that I still have all the power in this strange situation. Not only by rank, but by merit of the fact that the one he loves is still me. Not you. Did you forget that?"

"It's because I didn't forget that I need to tell you, you could be ruining his life!" Kira shouted, slamming his palms against Byakuya's desk. "I love him! And whatever your reasons are for wanting to possess him, I'm absolutely certain they're more selfish than that."

Byakuya shot to his feet, staring down the vice captain. "Whatever my reasons are, they are not remotely any of your concern. What I do with my subordinates is my choice. What are you going to do about it, Kira?"

The vice captain glared at him for about three seconds. Then…

WHAM.

Byakuya reeled from the punch that connected solidly with his jaw. He was paralytic with rage, both incredulous that Kira had punched a captain, and that he had to be punched by someone he hated. Well, that was not going to stand.

WHAM.

Byakuya's fist collided sharply with Kira's cheek, the other man did even try to block. Byakuya grabbed Kira collar and slammed him against the desk. Kira was stunned for a moment, then head-butted Byakuya in the stomach. Byakuya doubled over, coughing.

Then Kira grabbed him by the shoulder and punched him again, twice. Byakuya blocked the third one and sent Kira flying with a palm to the chest. Kira crashed into the wall, making a sizable dent. He lay there for a moment, and a slim trail of blood trickled down his forehead. Then he was up and running at Byakuya at full speed.

Just as Byakuya caught Kira's full momentum with his chest, the door to the office burst open, and Renji, along with several other seated officers, rushed in.

"Taichou!" Renji cried as he entered. "We heard shouts…"

And then he took in the scene. Byakuya was sitting on the ground, hunched over one knee as he staved off the pain from Kira's shoulder to his chest, and Kira was on all fours, panting.

"What the hell is going on here?" Renji demanded.

After things settled down, and Kira and Byakuya both agreed not to mention the incident to avoid disciplinary measures, Renji sat down with the two of them. They sat in Byakuya's office, Renji sitting across from the two of them with his arms folded and a confused but disapproving expression on his face. Kira and Byakuya both looked as far away from each other as they could, though with their numerous injuries, then simply looked like children who'd been taken to the principal's office for fighting.

"So what you're saying is…everything's fine?" Renji repeated, glancing from one of them to the other.

Neither replied at first, but Kira eventually said, "Yes."

"Taichou?"

Sigh. "Yes."

Renji sighed, looking down at the floor. "You expect me to just leave it at that? What the hell was so important that _you two_ couldn't control yourselves?"

"You know, I really think you should ask Kuchiki Taichou," Kira said, suddenly using a bright tone of voice. "Right, Taichou?"

Byakuya held back his rage, and said nothing.

"Taichou?" Renji asked, curiously.

"Yes, Kuchiki Taichou," Kira said, softly but poisonously. "Tell us what happened. What made _the_ Kuchiki Byakuya lose his cool."

"You," Byakuya muttered, glaring at him.

"Taichou? What does that mean?" Renji wondered, confused by their exchange.

Byakuya sighed and rubbed the crease between his eyebrows. "Kira Fukutaichou. Would you mind going back to your barracks? Or perhaps to the fourth division?"

Kira gave a superior look, although he didn't quiet smile. "I'm not that hurt. I can't speak for you, Taichou." But nevertheless, with that, he got up and slowly left the office. On his way out, he said, "Abarai, I'll talk to you later."

"Sure," Renji replied, still confused.

Byakuya glared after him for a moment before he sighed and put his head in his hand.

"Taichou, what's wrong?" Renji murmured, leaning closer.

"Nothing. I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed," Byakuya said, deflecting his question.

Renji watched him silently for a long time. Then he said something Byakuya was not expecting. "Taichou…I wanted to say, thank you for what you are trying to do. Kira thinks that if we spend less time together it'll be easier…and I guess you figured that out too…but…" Renji's head fell forward a little as he rested his elbows on his knees, avoiding eye contact. "Can you please stop ignoring me?"

Byakuya felt a twinge in his chest, but said nothing.

"I…don't mean to make you uncomfortable. Of course if this way is better for you, then don't worry about it. But…it's even more painful when you're ignoring me. I expected it at first, but since you still stayed by me even after I confessed, I assumed it didn't really bother you all that much. So…if you can bear it, please let me try to forget on my own. Kira's helping me too."

Byakuya's eyebrow twitched. "I seem to remember you saying you wouldn't do those things with that man anymore."

Renji gasped. "No! Not like that, I mean as a friend. He has some experience with one-sided love, so it's helpful to talk to him."

Byakuya felt anger surging inside him, and for one reason or another his usual barrier between things he felt and things he said seemed to be down. "So it's that easy for you, then?" he muttered.

To his surprise, Renji was silent for a moment. "What?" he said, softly.

"To think that you could so easily forget someone you say you 'love'. I never imagined you to be so frivolous."

Renji didn't speak for many long seconds. Eventually Byakuya glanced up at him; he was shocked to see, not remorse as he was expecting, but anger. "What are you saying?" Renji said softly. "You think I put you through all of this over some crush? I don't want to forget my feelings, Taichou. But I know that the one who'll be most bothered by them is you. I'll probably never forget you completely. At the moment it's taking every ounce of my resolve not to hold you in my arms and tell you that I love you. If you're looking for some proof of my love, you can have it."

Byakuya sat frozen in place. The more he listened, the more his body felt hot and thrilled. Somehow all of his misgivings and irritation drifted to the back of his mind; he felt both nervous and happy to hear all of this. He didn't stop to think at that moment that, in terms of propriety, his reaction should have been the opposite.

He didn't even notice as Renji knelt down in front of him and took his face in his hands. He realized too late as Renji's lips met his own.

His eyes widened. Those coarse lips that he had stolen once before were now kissing him purposefully. His vice captain's fingers wove through his hair, stealing his breath away. It took him several moments to realize that he had to stop this, and soon.

Before he could, Renji's lips parted from his own. He remained close for a few heavy breaths. "Please believe me, Taichou. I can take whatever action you want me to. The one thing I can't do is change my feelings."

Byakuya felt heat rising to his cheeks. He knew he had to say something, had to take action before the situation got out of control. But his body was not so cooperative.

He felt Renji's gaze before he noticed himself what was causing his vice captain surprise.

He glanced down. Shit. He was hard.

Renji leapt backward. "T-taichou…?" he murmured, weakly.

Byakuya could not have been more mortified. How could he talk his way out of this one?

"I understand," he said, his mind scrambling, though he was careful to keep it from his expression. "Then, I have a solution."

"Solution?" Renji choked out. He was apparently still reeling from Byakuya's body's reaction.

Byakuya rose, and forcibly shoved Renji against the nearest wall. His vice captain stared at him with eyes like saucers. "I believe there is too much tension in this whole situation. As a result both Kira Fukutaichou and myself have acted inappropriately. Therefore I suggest we relieve some of that tension."

Renji was trembling lightly underneath his hands. "Relieve the…I don't understand…"

By way of an answer, Byakuya grabbed the back of Renji's neck and promptly shoved his tongue down his throat. Renji cried out against his lips, but the limit of his protests was a hand on Byakuya's forearm, weakly asking him to stop. Byakuya dove into the kiss with abandon. He had no idea until he did it how much his body had been craving this. The heat and roughness of Renji's body drove his desire to a point where it was almost uncomfortable. Over and over he licked and sucked Renji's lips and tongue, forcing out hesitant moans from his vice captain that only excited him further.

Reluctantly, he drew away, licking away a trail of saliva from the corner of his mouth. "Like this," he said, as if that explained everything.

Renji stood in total shock. His lips were still moist, his cheeks red hot and his eyes glazed over with surprise and lust. He looked like he wanted to say something, but words failed him.

"Well then," Byakuya said, pretending to be unaffected by all of this. "It's up to you. If you think you can handle this, then come to my quarters tonight. Otherwise the ignoring will continue. And if you see Kira again in that time, I can't guarantee I won't kill him."

Byakuya turned sharply and strode from the room. He tried to imagine that his heart was not pounding in his ears.

Renji had a hard time convincing himself that this was not all a dream. Had his captain really kissed him? Had he gotten hard from his touch? And was he seriously suggesting that they relieve tension by fucking?

Without being able to reconcile any of these thoughts, that evening, his feet carried him without his awareness to the door of Kuchiki Taichou's quarters. There, he found it hard to take any further action. His hands were trembling, his heart pounding, his cheeks flushed even though nothing had happened yet. What if it really had been a dream? Or just his imagination? How could he explain this?

After several minutes of indecision, the door opened from the inside. There stood Kuchiki Byakuya. Rather than his shihakushou, he was wearing a lounge kimono of a rich purple patterned with white camellias. His hair was free of its kenseikan and hung loose about his shoulders. Renji could not have imagined a more beautiful sight.

Kuchiki had a foul expression on his face. "Coming to my quarters means coming inside. If you continue to stand there, I'll assume you don't have the nerve. Come in, or go away."

Renji stood for a moment, truly unsure what the right course was. Kira had warned him about this. That sex with the person you love was most painful when you knew your feelings would not be returned. There was also the possibility that Kuchiki Taichou was merely testing him, and that if he agreed to this arrangement he would lose his position as vice captain. And despite all of this…

Renji took a step forward.

Once he was inside, Byakuya closed the door behind them. He stared at Renji for a few long moments. "I am not approving of your feelings," he said, firmly. "This is merely a way to resolve the tension between us. If it never happens again, I expect no complaints from you."

Renji gazed at his captain for a moment, and then nodded. The next instant, Kuchiki Taichou captured his mouth with a kiss. Renji made a noise of surprise. He could barely believe what was happening. He was so stunned that he didn't even enjoy it.

Byakuya broke the kiss and stared down expressionlessly at Renji. "If you love me, then keep your attention on me. Don't let another man touch you again."

"B-but…"

Again, Byakuya forced his lips against Renji's. This time, Renji nearly fainted, the sensation was so intense. As soon as the reality that Byakuya was kissing him came to him, he began to moan and lean into his captain's touch. His body trembled and became hot everywhere Byakuya touched him.

Byakuya tore his lips away. "This is what you want, isn't it?"

Renji felt he would go mad with desire. "Taichou…"

Byakuya's expression intensified. He grabbed Renji's obi, causing the other man to gasp. In moments, he untied Renji's as well as he own, and together grasped their twin erections.

"Ahhh…" Renji moaned, his back arching. Apart from anything else, he couldn't believe that his captain had gotten hard just as easily as he had. "Tai…chou!"

Byakuya spit into his hand, a gesture so vulgar and out of character that it made Renji's cock twitch, and worked their erections together. Renji was so overcome that all he could do was convulse with desire, grasping Byakuya's sleeves and twitching in pleasure with every stroke of his captain's fingers. His gaze was locked on Byakuya's hand and cock, watching the interaction of their members with uncontrollable desire.

Unlike the times with Kira, where he moaned and often moved, Renji felt frozen with pleasure. He yearned for Byakuya to touch him more, more, to drown him in his touch. He still could not guarantee that this was not all some dream. With that sudden fear in his mind, he touched Byakuya's chest to stop him.

"Nn?" Byakuya murmured, annoyed.

"Taichou…please don't be disgusted with me, but…I want Taichou…inside me…"

Byakuya's eyes widened. Renji could hardly see a change in his expression, but suddenly his captain's cock began to harden and drip precum. Renji was so entranced looking at it that he felt himself harden even more, and didn't notice Byakuya's troubled expression. He grasped Renji's chin and forced him to look at him. "I don't know how," he confessed.

Renji blushed, nearly shaking with desire, somehow both embarrassed and thrilled that Byakuya didn't know how sex between men worked. He nodded and took Byakuya's hand, guiding him to the bed.

He shrugged off the top half of his kimono. With his ass facing Byakuya, he saturated his two fingers inside his mouth, and then stretched to reach them back to his entrance. Though he had only done this once with Kira, he instinctively knew where to be gentle, and how to prepare himself for what he wanted Byakuya to do to him. "I…have to prepare first…" he murmured, though he was beginning to accidentally pleasure himself.

For a time, Byakuya watched him silently. Then, without warning, he added another finger inside of Renji. In shock, Renji removed his own and fell forward onto his elbows. Undeterred, Byakuya thrust his finger in and out, much more dexterously than Renji could have done himself.

"So it goes in here?" Byakuya asked, although it may have been rhetorical.

Either way, Renji was now suffused in passion, and could only reply in gasps. Even though Byakuya's finger had not hit that special place yet, he felt so good imagining Byakuya inside him that he was almost coming just from this. His hands stretched and flexed, burying themselves in the sheets.

Byakuya inserted two more fingers and nearly drove Renji mad with sensation before he finally decided the other man was ready. Then, with more gentleness than Renji had expected, he slid his length inside of him.

Renji gasped, overcome. For a moment, neither he or Byakuya moved, and it was then that Renji began to hear the faintly labored breathing above him. He turned his head to see Byakuya's face. Byakuya was flushed, his eyes moist with lust, lips parted, and breathing labored. His kimono was sliding off his shoulders, his muscular chest rising and falling heavily. And what's more, Renji could tell that he was holding back the urge to fuck him senseless.

"Ahhh…Taichou…please, move…" Renji encouraged him, though he felt like dying of embarrassment at his own lasciviousness.

"This doesn't hurt you?" Byakuya inquired, although his voice still sounded completely normal.

"I don't care…Taichou…please…"

"Huh. I'll give you what you want then."

Renji gasped as his captain's cock drove into him. Byakuya's was bigger than Kira's, reaching even further inside him and dragging out even more pleasure. Byakuya stopped hiding his panting, and pounded Renji's ass with all his strength. Both men began to cry out in pleasure, unable to stop the wild meeting of their bodies.

Renji was so close to coming, but he wanted his captain to come first. And then something happened that made it impossible for him to hold back the wave of pleasure.

"Ren…ji…"

Renji's body could no longer withstand the tide. "Ah…Byakuya…Taichou!" And then his white cum sprayed the sheets beneath his hips. He kept on coming even after that, riding wave after wave of feeling.

Byakuya grunted and thrust inside Renji several more times before Renji felt warmth pool inside his gut. His cock twitched, wanting to come yet again but unable. They remained this way, gasping for air, and then Byakuya leaned down and wrapped his arms around Renji's body. He said nothing, just held him. Renji felt for sure he must be dreaming. He felt so happy he could die.

"Taichou…" he murmured. "I love you…"

"Whatever," Byakuya replied, and Renji merely laughed. Apparently it wasn't a dream. "I suppose, if you want to do things like this occasionally, I don't mind. As long as it's with me and not Kira."

Renji had never imagined he would feel such happiness.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

When Byakuya woke the next morning, his first impression was that he felt hotter than usual. For him, that was pleasant, since he had low blood pressure and generally felt cold while sleeping, but it took him a few moments to think of a reason why that would be so. Slowly, he shifted a little and opened his eyes.

A shock of red met his vision. The wild mane of his vice captain was spread on the pillow before his eyes. Beneath it, the man himself slept with a perfect serene expression, his head resting on Byakuya's arm. Byakuya watched him for a time, noting that he had probably spent the whole night in Byakuya's arms like this. Then he realized that the pain he'd seen in Renji's face so often lately had melted away. He tried to think if he'd ever seen a more peaceful expression. But all these warm and pleasant thoughts lasted but a moment.

More important was how Byakuya would treat the situation from now on. Firstly, he couldn't escape the fact that he was filled with regret and shame for the way he had handled this whole thing. His normal solution would be to distance himself from Renji, but he'd been asked not to do that. After doing this, he couldn't exactly keep ignoring Renji.

The middle ground was to treat him the same way he had always treated him, with no change in their relationship at all. He didn't have any particular problem with this, except that it seemed unlikely to happen. Then he could always take an aggressive stance and do all in his power to move Renji's attentions away from him. Several ideas occurred to him along this line.

What did not occur to him was the idea that, with the exception of Yamamoto Soutaichou, there was not a single person in their acquaintance who would object to them having a relationship. Truly, the most uptight person Byakuya knew was the head of the Kuchiki family. Himself. Which is why an open and consensual relationship was not on the table for him. It wasn't even in the room.

Though part of him would much rather have lounged in bed with Renji, he slowly pulled himself away and silently readied himself for the day.

Renji awoke with his hands reaching across the bed, unconsciously searching for the warmth that had recently been there. He opened his eyes blearily and looked around. This…was not his room.

All of a sudden, thoughts of the previous night came flooding back to him. His face flushed red hot and he buried his head in the pillow out of embarrassment. Then, as he breathed in, he realized…it was Kuchiki Taichou's pillow. Though the man only slept here when circumstances prevented him from sleeping in his mansion, it still held the strong scent of his captain. He breathed it in in disbelief for many long seconds.

Then, a slight noise alerted him to his captain's presence.

Renji whirled around, hoping he hadn't been caught. "Taichou," he said, rising half out of bed before realizing he was naked. He sat back down with the sheet over his parts, blushing. "Good morning," he said.

Kuchiki had the same cold expression he always did, as he wrapped his usual scarf around his neck. "I'm going to work. You are welcome to use the bath, but please put everything back where you found it." With that, he turned to leave.

"Ah, Taichou!" Renji called, stopping him.

Kuchiki half turned to look at him.

"Um…I want to say, before we go back to normal," Byakuya's eyebrows raised a little bit at this, unbeknownst to Renji. "I…thank you. I was very happy."

Kuchiki looked at him stonily for a while. Then he merely sighed and left without a word.

Renji's head fell a little. Unconsciously he gripped the sheets in one hand. But no, he said to himself, no sadness. He could never have wished for such happiness. He would never forget it.

It was around this time that the thirteen divisions received word of a particularly resilient hollow that was causing trouble in one of the wilder districts of Rukongai. Yamamoto Soutaichou assigned the sixth division to deal with it, and Kuchiki Taichou sent Renji. He assigned him two other seated officers, and two rookies for backup.

Renji was honestly looking forward to the distraction. The fact that this hollow had already killed a handful of shinigami and dozens of other weaker souls did not concern him. He assumed that, as with most occasions, things that were dangerous to lower level shinigami posed no problem for him. For the most part that was true. However…

He couldn't explain what happened. He remembered a few moments when they were chasing it through the forest, and suddenly his vision was filled with his own blood. Not far away he heard cries of others and saw splatters of blood, and suddenly the air was thick with it. He glanced down, and saw a gaping wound in his chest. The blood was flowing fast, down his chest and legs and sinking heavily into the earth. He swayed slightly. He had to stay awake. If he fell unconscious now, he would die.

Then, a huge, masked face came slowly into his vision. "Go ahead," it said. "Fall, shinigami."

Renji felt himself leaning. He gritted his teeth and planted his foot more firmly in the earth. Then he raised Zabimaru.

"_Hoero_…" he said. "Zabima-"

The hollow's tail, which weighed easily twice what he did, hit him square in the chest and sent him flying into a tree. The pain rocketed through his body. He slid down, and fell onto his hands and knees. More of his blood splattered into the earth. As his consciousness slipped away from him his last word was, "Taichou…"

It was half an hour before a report reached Byakuya. He stared at the 12th division's report, which had been monitoring reiatsu in the area. The hollow in question was still around. Renji's reiatsu, as well as those of the other 6th division members, were either gone or so small they could barely be seen. Byakuya strode from his office and ran as fast as he could to go the area, alerting the 4th division on the way to join him as soon as possible.

It took him slightly less time to arrive than it had taken the 12th division to report on the incident. He questioned the local people, who indicated that it was likely that the shinigami had chased the hollow into the forest. He raced inside it. Unfortunately, without Renji's reiatsu to guide him, he was practically blind.

Instead, he followed the strongest reiatsu, knowing it would belong to the hollow who might have killed his vice captain. It didn't take him long to catch up.

He drew his sword suddenly to halt the tip of a black tail that threatened to pierce straight through his chest. The strike had been without warning, almost instantaneous. Far more dangerous than a normal hollow then.

"Well done," said a mocking voice from behind him.

He turned to look. The hollow did not look much different from any other. It had a slightly lizard-like physique with a black body, and a relatively simple white mask. But Byakuya could tell that what it lacked in flash, it made up for in skill.

"You're no ordinary shinigami," the hollow continued, crawling around to face him.

"I would say you're no ordinary hollow, enough to give my vice captain trouble anyway, but when it comes down to it, a hollow is a hollow. You'll still die as soon as I release my sword."

"Oh is that right? Funny, it hasn't been a problem for me yet-"

"_Chire_, Senbonzakura."

SQUISH.

All at once, the hollow was minced, and presently dissipated into the air. Byakuya would normally have been irritated at his subordinate for not being able to defeat something at this level, but at the moment he had no spare room for such thoughts in his mind. He raced through the forest.

In reality, it only took him about ten minutes to find his division, although it felt like an eternity. He glanced around at the scene. Blood was everywhere. The two rookies were clearly dead; they had body parts missing. The seated officers were lying very still, so it was hard to tell. When Byakuya saw Renji he felt the bottom in his stomach drop.

His red hair was splayed wildly on the forest floor. His body lay face down, and beneath it, a sickeningly large pool of blood. He was pale, and very still.

Byakuya raced to him and rolled him over. The wound was bad, but he could tell it would not have been instantly fatal at any rate. He put his ear next to Renji's mouth. He stayed there for a moment. Then he breathed a sigh of relief. It was faint, but Renji was still breathing. So Byakuya held his hands above the wound and began using healing kidou. It was not his forte, but he reasoned it was better than nothing, at least until the 4th division arrived. He tried to imagine his hands weren't shaking as he did this.

Several minutes later, some members of the 4th division arrived, and told Byakuya to step back. He hesitated, having a momentary thought of outrage that they should ask him to do so, but his reason returned and he got to his feet silently and let them do their jobs. However he did not move from his spot standing over Renji.

Later, the 4th division informed him that the two seated officers would survive as well. They each had a single stab wound to the torso and had suffered blood loss. The worst hurt – and still alive – was Renji. Apart from the hole in his chest, he had also been slammed against a tree which had broken three ribs and caused internal bleeding. If they had not found him quickly, they said, he would have survived for maybe an hour at the most. Byakuya felt less inclined to criticize Renji's failure after hearing about his injuries, though he was still fairly sure he would do it anyway.

Byakuya wanted to wait for Renji to regain consciousness, but he did not. The 4th division assured him that this was normal given his blood loss, and he would probably sleep for the rest of the day at least, even after they finished treatment. But Byakuya stayed with him. Even after they made the careful trip back to the 4th division barracks, Byakuya stayed. His propriety was telling him this was the last thing he should be doing, but he couldn't make himself leave.

Into the evening, and most of the 4th division had left the relief station. Byakuya's two other, also living, subordinates were still there, but he had completely and very irresponsibly forgotten their existence. He stared at Renji's pale and slightly pained expression. The thought finally fully formed itself as silence sank in around them. Was this his fault?

It was then that Renji's eyes flickered open. Byakuya unconsciously sat stiffly forward in his chair.

Renji met his gaze and Byakuya nodded in greeting. He said, "How do you feel?"

Renji's eyes widened. "Taichou?" As memories came back to him, his expression sank. "I failed the mission. I have no excuse."

"I see."

"What happened to the hollow?"

"I dispatched it."

Renji frowned. "Yourself? Was it that dangerous?"

Byakuya glanced away with disapproval. "No. I believe you let your guard down too much. It wasn't more than you could handle."

Renji's expression darkened. He said nothing. Byakuya's gut twisted uncomfortably.

"But given the circumstances, you fought well. The fourth division told me you were the only one who was still standing after the initial attack."

Renji merely stared straight ahead; apparently this was of little comfort.

Byakuya struggled for the appropriate thing to say. Comforting people had never been his strong suit, and he honestly believed that Renji could have done better. He could not bring himself to lie to make someone feel better. However, it was the fact that he had sent Renji into a situation that may have been too much for him which caused Byakuya to consider it in the first place.

"Your injuries were severe. You should go back to sleep."

Renji shook his head. "It doesn't hurt much." Renji's gaze was fixed down for a time. Eventually, he looked up and said, "But…why are you here, Taichou? Were my injuries really that bad?"

Byakuya didn't know what to say. They had been bad, but after the fourth division arrived, his life was no longer in danger. For any other subordinate, Byakuya doubted he would have even looked in on them, let alone stayed by their bedside. Even a month ago, he would probably have not done the same for Renji. How could he explain this?

"Rukia…was worried about you. She asked me to look in on you."

"Oh," Renji said, with a light smile. "Good timing. Please tell her I'm fine. I'm sure I'll be out of here tomorrow."

"No. You had internal bleeding and lost most of your blood, you shouldn't leave here for a few days."

"I'm sure it's fine. I don't like being idle."

"Are you disobeying orders?" Byakuya asked, coldly.

Renji blinked. "No…I understand, Taichou. I'll wait for the 4th division's permission."

Byakuya nodded. As silence fell between them again, Byakuya was unable to think of anything to say, although he felt like there was something he wanted to express. It was Renji who spoke next.

"It's very kind of you to stay and talk to me, Taichou. By the way, it looks dark outside. What time is it?"

Byakuya glanced out the window. "I think about nine. I'm not sure."

"I see. I'm very sorry to have inconvenienced you so much, Taichou. I need more training."

"Yes," Byakuya said, with a trace of hesitation. "But now you should rest. Settle down, I'll wait here until you fall asleep."

Renji gazed at his captain with eyes caught between awe and sweetness. "Taichou…have you always been this kind?"

Byakuya turned away uncomfortably, not sure whether he was being inappropriate, or whether Renji had noticed.

"I'm really glad I fell in love with you."

Byakuya's heart leapt. He stared at Renji, shaken by the bold-faced honesty with which he said this. His subordinate was smiling up at him, and though his expressions had been much calmer since that night, there was still a trace of pain in his eyes. Byakuya looked away.

"I see," he said, considering. "You know," he said with a light sigh. "I've been wondering for a while, but what exactly is it about me that makes you feel that way?" Byakuya had difficulty saying the actual word 'love'.

Renji looked surprised to hear this. Nevertheless, he gave it a few moments of thought, and then said, "It's hard to explain, but there's not one thing in particular that makes me love you. It's more like there's nothing I _don't_ love." Byakuya felt his face growing hot, but kept his expression cold. "By the time I realized it, I was thinking about you all time. I just long to be beside you, every second I'm awake."

Byakuya couldn't speak for a while. A disgusting thought occurred to him, and his face flushed even darker, which was unfortunately very obvious on his pale skin. Instead, he bit his lip for a moment. Then, he bent and kissed Renji lightly on the lips.

His vice captain stared up at him, as Byakuya still hovered over him. He looked shocked. Then, without waiting for permission, he took Byakuya's face in his hands and returned his kiss deeply and warmly. Byakuya's eyes fluttered closed as he reluctantly allowed this impertinence. Renji's fingers did that thing again where they wove through his hair and explored his scalp. Byakuya had never known he was sensitive there, but apparently the back of his neck was also an erogenous zone, and it was giving him pleasant shivers all the way down his spine.

All of a sudden, the fact that they were in a fairly public place returned to his thoughts, though of course it was late and there was likely no one else around. Byakuya shoved Renji back roughly and covered his own mouth with the back of his hand, gazing anywhere else but at his subordinate.

Renji coughed uncomfortably, glancing around to make sure they were not spotted.

"I really hadn't thought about this," said the vice captain softly. Byakuya glanced at him. "It's what you were telling me all along, isn't it? Even if you were agreeable, we couldn't possibly be in a relationship like that, if only because it would compromise your reputation. I'm sorry I kissed you. I won't do it again."

Byakuya's chest panged so sharply he almost lost his breath. Apart from anything else, Renji was now apologizing for something Byakuya had started, somehow imagining it to be his own fault. And then there was the other thing he said…well, that they could never be in a relationship, and Byakuya pretended that hadn't bothered him…but also the reason.

Byakuya's reason, when he rejected Renji initially, had been partly an issue of the spirit rather than the letter of the law – since there was no law specifically against relationships in the Gotei 13 – and partly an issue of integrity. He did not want to be the captain of a division that was thought to have low moral standards. Somewhere around third or fourth on this list was his position as the head of the Kuchiki household. Homosexuality was not unheard of in his family, but for the head of the family it was. If they had such tendencies they were always dealt with discretely. But Renji's primary concern was Byakuya's image? In other words, he cared about Byakuya's reputation even over his own honor?

"Not in public," Byakuya found himself muttering. With his back to Renji's shocked face, he said, "I'll return home now, and let Rukia know you're feeling better. I'll come again tomorrow."

Renji tried to stop him and then sucked in a breath and touched his ribs. Byakuya whirled to see if he had hurt himself. But his vice captain merely sat back in bed, though he kept one hand on his rib cage, and smiled serenely at him. "I'll be waiting, then."

Byakuya felt heat rising to his cheeks again, but instead of responding to that feeling, he nodded tightly and exited the building. He was grateful to breathe the open night air again to clear his head and cool down his burning cheeks. His head went over and over their exchange, and unfortunately for him, it just kept going back to the kissing bit.

When Byakuya returned the next day to visit, two things had him immediately perturbed. One, Renji was standing up and fitting his shihakusho over his bandages as if nothing was wrong, and two, together with him were Hisagi Fukutaichou and, of course, Kira. Byakuya paused with one fist clenched at his side before entering the room.

Unfortunately, the first to notice his presence was not the one he would have wished.

"Kuchiki Taichou." Kira said in his usual, soft voice, with only the slightest trace of anger.

Renji looked up and was about to greet him when Kira stepped in between them and put his hand on Byakuya's shoulder, turning him around.

"Just the person I wanted to see. Would you join me outside for a moment, Taichou?"

Byakuya glared at him. Under his breath he muttered, "You had better have a good reason for taking precious minutes of my time to talk to someone I abhor."

Kira merely chuckled and lead him outside. When they found a place where they could not be easily seen or heard, Kira grabbed Byakuya by the collar and hissed, "Did you fuck him?"

"Don't be crass," Byakuya replied, with just the slightest expression of disgust.

"Is it my imagination? I don't think it is. He seems awfully happy today, despite having a hole in his chest the size of my fist, and I'm pretty sure he blushed the last time I mentioned your name. Know what his reaction used to be when I did that? He used to look sad. Not to be cruel, but I liked it better that way."

"I have no doubt of that," Byakuya said, with a superior expression. "You would rather his blushes be saved for someone who loves him, I'm sure."

Kira looked ready to hit him again. "Just tell me."

Byakuya considered whether he would gain anything from hiding it. Kira already seemed fairly certain. However, was Kira the type to sabotage another person by revealing such information publicly? Either way, it was probably too late anyway. Eventually, Byakuya's silence had given Kira all the answer he needed. Slowly, he released Byakuya.

Kira looked away with a heavy expression and didn't speak for a time. He took a few steps away and folded his arms, staring listlessly at the ground. "All right," he said, at length. "I won't interfere anymore."

Byakuya's eyebrows rose minimally.

Kira turned to look at him. "Anything I did now wouldn't make any difference anyway. So let me implore you again, please think about what you are doing. I admit, it's a bit late to be saying this now, but what you've done…you've just sealed his fate. Whatever happens to him now is completely up to you. If he lives happily ever after, great. I doubt it, but great." Byakuya allowed a brief scowl at that. "And if his heart is broken to a point where he can't love anyone ever again, I think you know there's only one person who can be responsible for that. No more passing the buck now. No more turning back, either." He patted Byakuya once on the chest, and then left to go back to Renji. As he did, he said, "Much though I am loathe to say it, good luck, Taichou."

None of that should have been particularly upsetting to Byakuya. He tried to imagine that most of it had already occurred to him anyway, so there was no point in worrying about it. And yet there was a nagging feeling in his gut that Kira might be right. He may have done something irreversible.

He took a moment to gather himself, then returned to the relief station. Renji already looked ready to leave, and apparently Hisagi and Kira were going with him. "Taichou!" he said, smiling. "I've been okayed to go home, so we're going celebrating."

Byakuya sighed. "Is there anything that you celebrate without drinking?"

The three men exchanged glances. As if the question itself had been strange, they all replied, "No."

Then Renji said, "Would you like to come along, Taichou?"

Byakuya breathed in and out. He started to say, "I don't think…" But a glare from Kira stopped him. He cleared his throat and continued, "All right."

In no time, they arrived at their usual izakaya. Byakuya was getting really tired of these drinking parties with subordinates. At least this time there were only three of them to annoy him.

"How was Matsumoto today?" Renji asked of Hisagi.

The normally taciturn man blushed. "G-good. She showed me some shopping catalogues and asked me what I thought about things, I don't really know why."

Kira nodded. "Women do that. It means she sees you as an equal."

"You mean as a girl," Renji and Hisagi said in unison.

Kira tilted his head and glanced away politely, not willing to be so blunt.

Hisagi slumped over the table, slightly behind Renji's hand which grabbed his drink out of the way. "Hahh…" he sighed. "I wonder what she looks for in a man, though."

Byakuya was completely out of his depth during this conversation. Aside from the fact that he was mostly unaware of what subordinates thought of one another, he was not perceptive enough to grasp that Hisagi had feelings for Matsumoto. Nor was he able to follow the flow of the conversation. Why did asking someone to look at shopping catalogues make them a girl?

"Anyway," Renji said. "She certainly doesn't hate you. That's something to be happy about."

Byakuya glanced up as he said this. Although he gathered that Renji had no ill intent when he said it, it still made Byakuya feel unpleasant. He wondered if Renji was, intentionally or not, thinking of him.

Hisagi sat up, taking a single breath to return to his normal, controlled self. "You're right. I won't give up so easily."

"That's the spirit," Renji said.

Kira raised his glass to him.

"Abarai, as soon as you're up and about, I perfected a new move recently that I would like to try against Zabimaru," Hisagi said.

Renji nodded as he drank, then set his glass down. "What sort of move?"

The conversation went on for quite some time about techniques. Although this was a conversation Byakuya could follow, it was not one he had any particular interest in. Again, what subordinates chose to do with their time only bored or annoyed him. Battle techniques were no exception.

"By the way, Taichou," Renji said. Byakuya looked up. "I admit I was too slow to see the technique that cut me. Do you know what it was?"

The other two looked to Byakuya as well.

Byakuya felt uncomfortable. It was like being reminded that he was the cause for Renji's injuries. Well him, and Renji being a fool. "It was a simple technique. Although he was fast, his strength was his ability to hide his killing intent, even up to the instant of impact. I was able to block it because my mind was still." That part was a lie. He had blocked it on instinct, his mind was anything but still at the time. But he knew this was the lesson Renji needed to learn from that fight. "When one's mind is calm, it is easy to sense even the slightest hint of ill intent. Additionally, he was intelligent. He lured all of you out into the forest, and he attacked you first, perceiving that you were the strongest one there. Because his first attack was successful, he was able to…"

Byakuya stopped speaking as he saw Renji's gaze fall. They both remembered at the same time that two men had died that day, and two more were seriously injured. Renji thought the fault was with him, Byakuya assumed it was his own. Neither was able to comment on the matter.

"At any rate, the things I would like you to learn from that battle are stilling your mind, and being smarter."

Kira and Hisagi both snorted with laughter. Byakuya glanced between them, annoyed.

"Did you hear that, Abarai?" Hisagi asked, smirking.

Renji got up-in-arms all of a sudden. "What?" he demanded. "What is so funny about that?"

"It's gotten to the point where your captain needs to tell it to you. 'Get smarter'," Kira repeated, and then burst out laughing.

Their laughter wouldn't stop and eventually Renji stood.

"It's not funny, you jackasses!" he said. "I've had enough celebrating for today. Taichou, let's go home."

Byakuya was grateful for the opportunity. He nodded to Hisagi and Kira. "Good evening," he said, and followed Renji out.

Hisagi and Kira were still chuckling slightly as they left.

Byakuya sighed, grateful to be outside. He was surprised that as he glanced at Renji's face beside him, he was no longer annoyed, but smiling. Nevertheless, he said, "Thank you for inviting me out with you."

Renji chuckled. "Yeah. I wasn't really that mad, it just seemed like a good opportunity."

"Opportunity?"

Renji looked a little bit awkward and then said, "I really shouldn't have invited you. I know you don't like this things. It was nice of you to come anyway."

Byakuya glanced away for a moment. It was true. He had only agreed because Kira's argument had gotten to him, and he was feeling guilty about what he had done with Renji.

"If…" Renji said, slowly. "If this is out of some feeling of guilt, it's really all right. I don't feel badly about what happened between us," Byakuya felt himself blush a little, "And it's obvious that the incident yesterday was my fault. So if you're playing along with me out of guilt, it's really not necessary."

"I see," Byakuya said. He was unable to deny it. And yet, somehow, the way Renji spoke made it sound distant. It made Byakuya nervous. Which is why he said something impulsive. "By the way, Renji…I'll…be in my quarters tonight. You may come if you wish."

Renji was silent for long enough that Byakuya looked up at him, wondering if he'd heard. His expression was pained, as it bad been before they slept together. "I…" he said, softly. "Thank you, Taichou, but…my wounds are still healing."

Byakuya gasped slightly. How had he forgotten? He turned away. "Of course. Forget I said anything."

"But thank you," Renji said again. However his pained expression had not left him. He stared at the ground as he said, "Your invitation alone makes me very happy."

Byakuya's chest tightened. He just said "happy". Why did he look so sad?

That evening, it rained heavily. Byakuya was preparing for bed, after taking a hot bath to banish the cold of the rainy night, when there was a knock on his door. He opened it to find a soaking wet Renji, his wild red hair uncharacteristically limp. He was shivering and looking as if he may have been crying.

"I'm sorry, Taichou, I know I said I wasn't coming, but…"

Byakuya yanked him inside. Once there, he went to the bathroom to grab a towel, and threw it over Renji's head. He removed his bandana and ponytail and dried his long red hair underneath the towel. Through all of this, Renji stayed silent but for the occasional chattering of his teeth.

Byakuya gave him a change of clothes, and once he finished changing, offered him a seat on the bed.

"Why did you come in the rain with no umbrella?" Byakuya asked him, angrily.

Renji was silent for a while and eventually shook his head. "I don't know, I just…I had to see you. I tried to hold back but…"

Hold back? Byakuya wondered to himself. Why?

Renji shook his head again. "I'm sorry, Taichou. I'm trying, but I still…" He put his head in his hands, and Byakuya could tell he was crying. "…I still love you so much."

Byakuya lifted Renji's chin and kissed him, though later he could not explain why he did this. His vice captain hesitantly leaned into his touch. Byakuya wiped away his tears with his thumbs, and kissed him again. This time Renji met his kiss, and pulled Byakuya onto the bed with him.

Byakuya slid his knee between Renji's legs, and moved his hips against Renji's. Renji let out a small moan. The sound reached Byakuya's ears and hastened his need. He gently tilted Renji's chin away and kissed up and down his neck. Renji gripped Byakuya's shoulders and his hips moved involuntarily, seeking stimulation from Byakuya's body over him. Byakuya continued downward to kiss Renji's chest, pulling apart the white kimono that he had given Renji while his shihakusho dried. He was pleased to see that there was no bleeding underneath the bandages. Since the first time had been rather rushed, he savored how strangely good it felt to kiss a man's body. Or at any rate, this man's body.

Where Byakuya was on the slender side, Renji's whole body was packed with muscle. They moved beneath his skin under Byakuya's touch. Hisana, when he kissed her body, had smelled sweet and fresh. Renji's body was musky, and rich-smelling so that it was noticeable, where Hisana's smell had been subtle. And to be honest, although he knew he was skilled in bed, Byakuya had only ever been with one woman. He wasn't sure if all women were sweet-smelling, or all men musky like Renji. But he found he liked the contrast.

"Taichou…" Renji murmured, softly. Then he held Byakuya's head and kissed his hair. Byakuya's eyes lidded, touched by the gentleness in this normally brash man.

He was planning on taking his time stimulating Renji's body, especially because of his injuries, but his vice captain pushed him away. He was concerned until Renji pushed him back onto the bed. He received another passionate kiss from the younger man as Renji straddled him over his hips. Then Renji's hands began to caress his body. He closed his eyes again, letting the pleasant feeling wash over him. Then Renji's hand reached down to touch his member. He sucked in a harsh breath.

Renji glanced up at him, and slowly shifted his body down, stroking Byakuya's length while he lay kisses all over his chest. Then, the kisses stopped for a moment, and when Byakuya looked down, he saw Renji's tongue extend over the tip of his cock. He licked it gently. Byakuya had to grip the sheets and clench his teeth to avoid making a vulgar noise. Even Hisana had never done this for him.

Renji kissed the tip, and then took it loosely into his mouth, while his tongue made circles around the tip. Byakuya's body was convulsing against his will. But if the alternative was making lewd noises, he would take the trembling. He especially did not want to show an embarrassing side of himself to Renji. But Renji seemed to have other ideas.

His vice captain tightened his lips around Byakuya, and took him deeply into his mouth. Byakuya could not help a quick inward breath. He felt his cock touching the back of Renji's throat. It was an amazing amount of stimulation for someone who'd never done this before. Renji drew back again, once again swirling his tongue around the tip. Then he drew back further, and flicked the most sensitive part of Byakuya's penis with his tongue while stroking his length with his hand. Finally he swallowed him deeply again. It seemed as if, the harder Byakuya tried to stop making sounds, the more the sounds wanted to come out of him.

Eventually he got fed up with being in this vulnerable position, and grabbed Renji's hair to pull him back. As he did, Renji's tongue lolled out in an unbelievably sexy way. Byakuya reigned in his desire.

"Renji," he said. "Bring your lower half over here."

Renji's eyes widened and he blushed deeply. Hesitantly, he complied, first removing his kimono and laying it conscientiously on the bed. He turned around and placed his hips above Byakuya's face. Byakuya gazed at Renji's package, with genuine curiosity. He'd never looked at another man's equipment very seriously before. He started by slowly stroking it. He considered for a time whether he would go any further. But when he felt Renji's lips on him again, he shuddered and his doubts faded.

He tasted the tip experimentally. No, it did not taste good, not that he expected it to. But as soon as his tongue touched him, Renji had flinched and a soft moan vibrated through Byakuya's cock. He closed his eyes to hold back his desire. Then he took Renji's cock into his mouth.

Renji's whole body trembled, and though he had been on all fours, he now fell onto one elbow. He tried very hard to concentrate on his task, but every now and then his hand and mouth would be stopped by Byakuya's movements.

Byakuya held back a small smirk. He was liking this method of pleasuring. Then an even more exciting idea occurred to him. He removed Renji's cock from his mouth for a moment and stroked it in the meantime. He placed two fingers inside his mouth and wetted them liberally. Then he brought them up to Renji's asshole. He started to massage the entrance.

Renji gasped and moaned in protest over Byakuya's cock. Byakuya merely looked at him with a trace of devilishness, and then took Renji's cock back into his mouth. The stimulation, even though Byakuya had yet to insert his fingers, was getting too much for Renji and his mouth started to loosen over Byakuya's cock. Then Byakuya inserted one finger. Renji trembled and Byakuya's cock fell from his mouth.

"Concentrate," Byakuya admonished. However, he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

Renji's body was still trembling with sensation, and he could not hold back the occasional moan, but he managed to return to sucking Byakuya's cock. Somehow, the heat of desire seemed to be affecting him. His ministrations seemed to be becoming more passionate, and though he moaned a lot, he rarely left his task.

Byakuya inserted another finger. Renji trembled, but kept his head and tongue moving. But in a few moments, Byakuya's fingers brushed against Renji's prostate. At that point, he cried out and Byakuya's cock fell from his mouth again.

Byakuya tried not to smirk. "What's wrong, Renji?"

"N-nothing…" Renji panted, and reached for Byakuya's cock again.

However, Byakuya pressed down at that special place inside him again, and Renji's cock began to drip precum as the vice captain collapsed against his captain's hips.

Byakuya had had enough teasing. "Move over there," he told Renji, indicating the head of the bed.

Panting to try to recover from the intense pleasure, Renji nodded. He lay on all fours, his ass facing Byakuya. Byakuya inserted two fingers again, and eventually a third. Occasionally he would intentionally caress Renji's prostate, enjoying the uncontrolled passion of the other man. Finally, he inserted his moist cock inside his vice captain.

Both men struggled against the intense sensation for a moment. Then Renji started to pant hard. "Tai…chou…!" he panted.

"What?"

"It's…strange…it doesn't…hurt, this time…" Renji managed to say, while trembling and clearly fighting back the urge to cum.

Byakuya grunted. "Because we did oral first, I imagine." So it did hurt before, he remarked to himself, casting his gaze away. Then he leaned down to speak softly in Renji's ear. "I may not let you sleep tonight," he murmured.

Renji blushed all the way up to his ears, apparently more than willing.

Byakuya thrust powerfully inside him. Renji cried out, falling to his elbows. Byakuya moved lightly back and forth, then impaled him deeply again. Renji's moans grew louder as his desire to cum and relieve the burden of this intense desire increased. Then Byakuya felt Renji's sphincter tighten. He was going to cum. Immediately he gripped the base of Renji's cock, hard.

Renji made a choked cry and breathed heavily. "Taichou…?" he murmured, breathless.

Byakuya frowned at him. "Who gave you permission to cum before your captain?"

Renji's eyes widened, tears forming in the corners from too much stimulation. "Ah…Taichou…" he murmured. Then, something that made Byakuya lose control. "Please…fuck me…fuck me harder…"

Byakuya's jaw clenched. His fingernails dug into the skin on Renji's hips, and he forgot his idea to tease Renji until they could cum together. He took in a breath. Then he thrust hard into Renji's insides, slamming their bodies together over and over. Renji was losing it, light tears forming in his eyes and drool dripping from his mouth, and he could no longer hold back his voice. Over and over he cried out for his captain, and finally he twisted his body so he could look at Byakuya.

Then Renji murmured, "Byakuya…"

Byakuya's whole body tensed. He suddenly grabbed onto Renji's body and bit into the skin of his back, hard, as he came. Renji cried out, finally unable to keep himself from cumming. Byakuya shuddered, slowly removing his cock from Renji, and watching as a trail of cum dripped out of Renji's contracting hole. The two of them trembled together for a long time.

For some reason, after the pleasure faded, Byakuya felt his heart aching. While holding him from behind, he caressed the bandages over Renji's chest. He had the wish that he could do something for him, though he couldn't imagine what. In the end, he quietly kissed Renji's back and breathed in his scent.

Slowly, Renji lay down in the bed, and Byakuya followed him. They faced one another in a post-coital glow, Renji with his eyes closed and head comfortably in the circle of Byakuya's neck and chest. Byakuya held him and stroked his still-damp hair. He was happy, and yet something seemed very wrong to him. Something about the atmosphere around Renji made him nervous. But he didn't want to think about it, so he gave into the desire to sleep, Renji safely cradled in his arms.

It was four in the morning. Renji blinked awake. He looked at the man holding him in his arms, a serene expression on his sleeping face, his soft black hair falling gently across his cheek. He felt his heart might burst with simultaneous happiness and pain. Then he lowered his gaze. This had all been too confusing. Renji was starting to delude himself into thinking this was something that it wasn't. He remembered a time only recently when having a sexual relationship with Kuchiki Taichou would have been beyond his dreams. But being this close to him had made him greedy. It was time to draw the line. Or he might forever kill himself with happiness.

When Byakuya woke the next morning, he was alone. The bed had been made, with him inside it, and he did not feel sticky as he expected to. He couldn't imagine why that was. He looked around, but there was no trace of Renji. That bad feeling returned, and he quickly got dressed.

He first visited Renji's quarters. He knocked, but no one answered, and there was no reiatsu or presence there either. Starting to really worry, he went to his office, intending to send out a hell butterfly to ascertain Renji's whereabouts. When he arrived, he saw Renji leaning against the wall beside his office. He looked up when he saw Byakuya.

"Good morning, Taichou," he said, smiling. Byakuya frowned; there was that familiar pained expression again, but this time it was much more obvious.

He nodded tightly, pretending that he was completely undisturbed until that moment. "Did you need something?"

Renji nodded, still smiling. "Yes, I needed to talk to you about an assignment. Can we talk inside?"

Byakuya felt that nervous feeling again. How could Renji have an assignment that he didn't know about? But he nodded and unlocked the door. He offered Renji a seat, but Renji refused with a smile, saying it wouldn't take long.

So Byakuya took a seat at his desk, glancing up apprehensively at Renji as he did so. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I'd like to be reassigned at a post in the human world for a while."

Byakuya's eyes widened. What?

"Preferably in Karakura-chou, since Ichigo is there too. If possible, I'd like to stay there…six months."

The bottom dropped out of Byakuya's stomach. He honestly couldn't comprehend, or perhaps accept, what Renji was saying. Was he serious?

Renji glanced around, awkwardly. "I, um…I just need a change," he said softly.

Byakuya stared at him. Eventually he managed, "Six months? That's six months of your life you'll never get back." He started to feel an intense emotion building with him, and perhaps because he didn't acknowledge it, it just continued to grow. "Why would you want to leave Soul Society for six months? In the human world-"

"Taichou, I understand-"

"-what is there for you there? You won't be able to train properly. I'm your goal. How are you going to defeat me if you're there?"

"I can train with Ichigo, and after all when you two fought…" Renji stopped that line of thought, sighing and beginning again. "I know it's sudden. But I've made up my mind. I just need your approval."

Byakuya was about to shoot those words back at him and tell him he couldn't have it, but something in Renji's expression stopped him.

With a sad smile, Renji murmured, "Please, Taichou."

Underneath the cover of his desk, Byakuya clenched his fists until he broke the skin. However, he cast his gaze aside expressionlessly. "I understand," he said.

Renji looked a bit surprised, but grateful. He nodded, and left Byakuya's office. After that day, Byakuya didn't see him in person again until the brief period before he sent him off to Hueco Mundo.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next few months passed in a strange haze for Byakuya. Rukia was often gone too during this time, in the human world with Renji and Ichigo, as well as several other shinigami who were close with him. Byakuya started to spend more nights in his quarters at the 6th division barracks, and less in his mansion. Many times when he was there, he would wake from a dream, drenched in sweat, and somehow terrified and sad, but he could never remember but a flash of these dreams after he woke. Yet he continued to stay there.

Then, the Arrancar started appearing in the human world. He was careful to keep in touch with information on the shinigami in Karakura-chou, on the pretense that he was looking out for his sister. Of course, that was true too, but he wanted to know how Renji was and what he was doing. And whether or not he was in over his head.

Then news came of the human, Inoue Orihime's abduction. It was very clear what was about to happen. After all, there were a number of powerful shinigami in Karakura-chou at that time, where also lived Urahara Kisuke, one of the few men capable of transporting people into Hueco Mundo, and all of them friends of Ichigo. Yamamoto Soutaichou was conscious of this as well, which is why he ordered Byakuya and Zaraki Kenpachi, two of the most powerful captains who were also relatively close with Ichigo, to go and retrieve all the shinigami now in Karakura-chou.

Byakuya had seen the rage twisted over Kurosaki Ichigo's face, and he took no pleasure in causing it. However he was more concerned with the hurt on Renji's and Rukia's faces when they were told they could not help him. It struck his heart badly, especially since a lack of sleep lately had lowered his emotional guard a little. Nevertheless, he took them back and left Ichigo alone.

Once there, he was waiting for a chance to talk to Renji privately, but it really didn't come. Renji was very upset about Inoue Orihime's abduction, or perhaps Ichigo's thoughts of taking on all of Hueco Mundo alone, and spent most of his time with Rukia, no doubt plotting some way to join Ichigo in spite of Yamamoto Soutaichou's orders.

Byakuya had some time to think about what he should do. He watched all of this happen between the two of them, and for once he was actually conscious of the fact that he was feeling a little jealous. But those feelings soon faded in relation to a more powerful one, which almost filled up his throat with emotion. He of course didn't want Renji to be hurt. But he knew that what Renji most wanted now was to be with Ichigo and Rukia. He thought about this for a long time before he eventually took action.

He was aware that Renji and Rukia were plotting, since they rather foolishly used Rukia's room as a base. It was not within earshot of his own, but he knew they were there. One night, he clutched two items that he'd prepared the day before to his chest. He made very certain that his expression was absolutely lifeless. Then he went to Rukia's room.

He flung open the door without bothering to knock. The two of them leapt in fright when they saw him, and tried to pretend that they hadn't been doing what he knew they were doing, which was sitting on the floor like little kids and plotting. He stared down at them coldly.

He dropped the packages he'd been carrying on the ground. "If you're going to leave, do it now."

They both looked at him with wide eyes. Rukia said, "Nii-sama…you're letting us go?"

He glanced away. "I was ordered to bring you back from the human world. I don't remember getting any orders after that. Go if you want."

They both stared in silence for a long time. Eventually, Byakuya turned to leave.

On his way out, he added, "Also, Hueco Mundo is no place for reckless idiots. You can think of keeping Kurosaki Ichigo from causing trouble as being part of your job." With that, he slid the door closed.

He closed his eyes. Slowly, he clutched a hand to his chest. What should he do with this pain?

Byakuya had wanted to leave the matter at that, but when the opportunity arose, he could not help himself, and made sure he was able to go to Hueco Mundo with the other captains. He knew this would put the rest of the shinigami at a disadvantage when the fight with Aizen began, but he didn't care. The first thing he did was save Rukia. Unfortunately while he was doing that, Kurotsuchi Mayuri went and saved Renji, along with that other human boy whose name he couldn't remember.

There was no real chance to talk to Renji while they were there. In the end, while everyone was being beaten so badly, Byakuya could do almost nothing. The battle was decided, unsurprisingly, by that pernicious idiot Kurosaki Ichigo. After seeing Ichigo fight Aizen, Byakuya no longer felt his pride so hurt that he had lost to him.

After the battle, he tried again to talk to Renji, but their conversations ended with pleasantries. Renji's mind was wrapped up in what was happening with Ichigo. Byakuya himself felt concern for the human, who had intentionally or not saved them all, but he still wished for Renji's attention to turn back to him, if only to hear from his own mouth why he had left.

Finally, things settled down. Renji and Rukia both lost their reasons to go to the human world, or at least as often as they had. Ichigo could no longer see them, after all. Byakuya watched Renji go through the difficult process of letting go of a camaraderie that he had felt with someone who changed the shinigami world as much as he had. It was hard on everyone; even Kenpachi was looking down afterward. He was constantly complaining that there was no one good enough to fight anymore.

Byakuya began to lose hope that he would ever understand what had happened between him and Renji. Then, on an afternoon when he was drinking tea on the porch in his mansion, he had an unexpected visitor.

The temptress Shihouin Yoruichi slipped down from the roof on his mansion to land lightly on her feet beside him. He scowled; for him this meant a very slight narrowing of his eyes.

"Yo," she said.

"This is my private estate. How did you get past the guards?"

The cat flicked her purple hair with an arrogant scoff. "Who do you take me for?"

Byakuya sighed and resolved to leave the matter. He sipped his tea.

The cat grinned at him. "Something getting you down, Byakuya-bou?"

He flicked an annoyed gaze her way. "What makes you say that?"

"Are you kidding? You may think you've gotten rid of you childish reactions, but you've just covered them up a bit." Byakuya rolled his eyes. This was why he hated this woman; she had known him during a time when he had little self-control, a fact which even now brought him shame. "So. What's got you down, Byakuya-bou?"

Byakuya considered, observing the odd leaf in his tea. "Difficult to describe. Also, none of your business."

"Is that right? You know I saw Abarai-kun earlier." Byakuya's heartbeat quickened. "I might be imagining things, but I could swear he seems down too."

Byakuya felt a slight glow of hope in his heart, but he snuffed it out. "No doubt he's still upset about the business with Kurosaki Ichigo. He's a crass man who doesn't know how to conceal his feelings."

Yoruichi raised her eyebrows a bit, interestedly. "Hmm," she commented.

A vein throbbed in Byakuya's forehead. "Yes?" he said, somewhat sharply.

"I just think it's funny how you still refer to him that way. Oh, he may not be the classiest thing on two legs, but I think you know he's a good man. And if he felt like it would help someone, he would hide his feelings."

Byakuya was at first dismissive, but part of him considered her words and logged them away. Nevertheless, he sighed. "Did you need something from me?"

"No. Just thought I might try to cheer you up. Oh, and to tell you that Abarai-kun is on his way here."

"What?" Byakuya nearly dropped his tea.

Yoruichi glanced away in mock innocence. "I may have told him that you were upset about something."

He glared at her, and started to wonder just exactly how much she already knew. "Why would you do that?"

She shrugged. "I don't like to see a sad Byakuya-bou. Let's leave it at that." She stretched and started to leave. "Oh," she said, turning back briefly. "And secretly, I do read the odd yaoi now and then."

Byakuya blushed up to his ears, trembling with embarrassment and anger.

"Bye now!" Yoruichi said, flitting back over the roof.

Byakuya slammed his tea cup on the floor, shaking with rage. He would get her back for that comment, he swore it. On the other hand, he could hardly deny that what she suggested was true, and that was embarrassing in and of itself.

And then, a thought occurred to him. It had been swimming around in the background of his thoughts for many months now. But this one conversation had somehow jogged it free and sent it floating to the front of his consciousness. But…could it be true?

Byakuya stared at the earth in front of him for a long time. Slowly, a blush rose to his cheeks. Even if it was true, could he ever accept it?

Quietly, a servant approached him. "Byakuya-sama, you have a visitor."

Byakuya tightly reigned in his reactions. "Abarai Fukutaichou?" he said, noncommittally.

"Yes."

"Show him in."

Byakuya's heart was pounding. It had been so long since they had spoken properly; even longer since they had spoken in private. He tried to not get his hopes up, but he had been longing to see Renji's honest reactions, the ones he had shown only to Byakuya during that brief time.

His vice captain appeared on the walkway some distance away, and bowed. Byakuya nodded. Then, a moment of panic hit him when he realized, what should he say? Yoruichi had lured Renji here on the pretense that Byakuya was upset; this was only partly true. He was troubled, but upset was taking it a little far. Would Renji leave once he realized the truth?

In the time it took to think these things, Renji had approached him and nodded again, politely. "Kuchiki Taichou. I met Yoruichi-san earlier, she said-"

"Yes," Byakuya interrupted hiding his embarrassment. "That was a lie. I apologize."

"Oh," Renji looked unconvinced. But nevertheless he sighed with a smile. "Well, that's a relief. I can't really imagine Taichou being upset, so it had me worried. If you're all right, then I guess-"

Without thinking, Byakuya grabbed the hem of Renji's hakama as he was turning to leave. Byakuya struggled to think of a reason why he had done this. Eventually, he said, "If you have time, please stay for a while."

Renji was silent for a time. When Byakuya glanced up, he was shocked at the vibrant expression there, the kind that had been absent from Renji's face for a long time. Renji's eyes were somewhere between troubled and panicked, his lips slightly parted. He might have been trembling slightly.

Eventually, Renji lowered his head. "Taichou…I'm sorry, I still…"

Byakuya's grip unconsciously tightened, fearing that Renji would leave again.

Renji covered his eyes with the back of his hand, and now he was trembling. Byakuya saw his jaw tighten, and then Byakuya's eyes widened. A single tear rolled down Renji's face, and soon many more followed it. Guilt sank to the bottom of Byakuya's stomach. Is this what he had wanted?

"I tried to forget, but…I still…love you," Renji whispered, still trembling.

Byakuya's stared at his crying vice captain, unable to speak for a time.

"That's why," Renji murmured, hesitantly lowered his hand and staring at the ground as his tears faded. "I'm still not ready to spend time with you privately yet. I'm afraid of what I might say or do, and I might cause trouble for you again. So…"

While he was talking, Byakuya rose from the floor and approached him. As Renji's words faded, Byakuya took his face gently in his hands and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Byakuya's heart fluttered. He'd wanted to be like this with Renji for so long. He had no doubt now that what he suspected about himself was true. He no longer cared. All he wanted was-

Renji grabbed Byakuya by the shoulders and broke away from his kiss. "Stop!" he cried, shoving Byakuya away forcefully.

Byakuya stared, disbelieving.

Renji still trembled, and more tears fell from his eyes. "Taichou, please understand, I can't do that anymore."

I should tell him, Byakuya thought.

"Of course I was very grateful when you offered to do these things with me…"

I have to tell him.

"But…more and more I started getting confused. Thinking that it was more than just sympathy on your part."

I need to tell him.

"And I know that…if I get confused like that, it's just going to make things harder for you."

Tell him.

"I'm sorry, Taichou."

Byakuya's lips parted, and he was unable to move.

Renji turned to leave. Byakuya tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come. He was shocked and afraid, but more than anything he didn't want Renji to leave. His body acted before he could.

He grabbed Renji from behind, and with his shunpo, took him straight to his bedroom and locked the door.

Renji looked disbelieving. "Taichou…?" he murmured.

Then Byakuya shoved him back onto his futon.

"Ow," Renji muttered, grasping his elbow.

Then Byakuya removed his obi. Since he was faster and stronger, he was easily able to tie Renji's hands behind his back.

"Taichou…" Renji murmured, starting to sound nervous.

Then Byakuya removed Renji's obi, and with this he gagged his vice captain.

"Mmph!" Renji cried, starting to struggle.

Then, Byakuya reached for Renji's bandana, and slowly pulled it over his eyes. Byakuya's hands were shaking. He knew he would regret this, but he could not stop.

"Mm-mph!" Renji cried, pleading.

Byakuya pretended not to hear him. He removed as much of Renji's clothes as he could with Renji's hands tied behind his back, and finally he indulged in what he'd wanted for so long. Whenever they had made love before, it always felt rushed. Byakuya wanted to enjoy his body, and now he would do just that.

He slowly ran his hand down Renji's chest. His vice captain shivered, though apparently the feeling was not unpleasant to him, since his penis began to twitch. Byakuya took this as a sign to continue. He stroked Renji's body slowly, evoking trembling and he odd noise from his vice captain, who apart from this had become very quiet. It was not long before Renji was hard. Byakuya himself was starting to feel it.

At that point he pressed a kiss onto Renji's chest. Renji flinched and his cock twitched, while a stronger noise escaped him. Byakuya licked a trail up Renji's neck, and softly bit him. Renji's body was shuddering and flinching with every move he made, seemingly uncontrollably. Byakuya stuck his tongue down Renji's ear.

"Mm!" Renji cried, his back arching.

Byakuya explored it deeply before moving on. While he kissed Renji's neck again, he untied Renji's mane of red. He had really liked holding onto it the one time that Renji had sucked him off. He grasped Renji's head and kissed him over the gag. Renji moaned sweetly.

Byakuya panted for a moment. Then he stood. He dragged Renji up so he was on his knees in front of him. Then he pulled out his cock. Renji did not fight him, though he must have known what was coming. Byakuya stroked his length for a moment while looking at Renji's tied-up but still sexy face. He pulled down the gag, but before Renji could speak, he stopped his mouth with his cock.

Renji moaned. Byakuya could see his cock harden below just from having Byakuya in his mouth. So first Byakuya stroked his hair. Then he gripped it, and pulled Renji toward him, bringing him as close as possible to getting his entire length inside his mouth. Renji was moaning, but it seemed to be good moaning, so Byakuya continued. He moved Renji's head over his length over and over, and Renji's cock began to leak precum. Byakuya hadn't even touched him yet. Maybe Renji liked being tied up.

Byakuya was loving this feeling, and apparently so was Renji, but he didn't want to cum in his mouth. So he slowly removed his cock, and placed the gag back over Renji's mouth. Renji whimpered a little, apparently not wanting the gag. Byakuya ignored him.

Then he turned Renji around and shoved his face down into the futon, so Renji's ass was raised in front of him. Renji moaned again, though this time whether good or bad, Byakuya couldn't tell. Nevertheless, since this was Byakuya's home, they would have what he wanted. Sex with Renji had always been good, but since his penis had felt a little raw afterwards, he knew Renji must be feeling the same way, if not more so. He used shunpo to go to his kitchen and retrieve some cooking oil. He returned and spread it over Renji's hole.

"Mmmh!" Renji cried, his back arching. The weight of his upper body was supported on his shoulders and head, and Byakuya could not deny how sexy this pose was, with his hands tied behind his back.

Byakuya gently teased Renji with his fingers, easily finding that place that made Renji go crazy, until he could not wait anymore. He eased his length inside of a trembling Renji. They both moaned at the familiar sensation, then Byakuya began to move inside him.

"Mm…mmm…mmph!" Renji continued to moan, meeting Byakuya's hips with his own.

Byakuya was relieved; he thought Renji might be hurt by what he was doing, but obviously Renji was enjoying himself too. When he felt himself getting close, he reached down and grabbed Renji's cock.

"Mmmm!" Renji cried, his back arching again. Within moments, he came. The tightening of Renji's hold made it difficult for Byakuya to hold on, and soon he came as well.

Byakuya collapsed over Renji, still inside him, bracing his weight on either side of Renji's body. He had missed this smell, the smell of Renji's sweat. The sensation of Renji's body against his own; his hips, his chest, his back, his mouth…he missed his hands too. And the wanton expressions of his eyes. But maybe that could wait until next time. Now that he was calmer, Renji might be willing to go again.

Slowly, Byakuya rose and slid out of Renji. They both uttered a sigh. Byakuya waited for Renji to move, so he could undo the gag and blindfold, but Renji stayed that way for a long time. Eventually, Byakuya removed the tie around his hands first. Renji slowly let his hands meet the futon, but he did not move after that.

Byakuya had a bad feeling as he moved to remove the gag and blindfold. He was not surprised to see that the gag was wet with saliva when he removed it. Unfortunately it was not the only thing that was wet. Byakuya's heart panged so painfully it felt like physical pain.

The blindfold was wet with tears. Renji's cheeks were stained with them. Byakuya almost didn't have the heart to remove it, afraid to see the expression that lay underneath. But Renji was not moving to remove it himself, so he realized he had to.

When he did, Renji's eyes were more confused than sad. But he would not look at Byakuya at first. Eventually, he slowly rose and faced away from Byakuya, thinking. Byakuya didn't know what to say. He'd known it was wrong, he just never thought it would hurt Renji so much.

"Renji…" he murmured.

"It's okay," Renji said, immediately. "You don't need to say anything." He was silent for a time, leaving Byakuya to wonder what he meant. Then he said, "It's okay. I'm sorry…" he muttered, and Byakuya's eyes widened. What the hell could he be sorry for, in this situation? "I'm sorry I was being so selfish, and putting my feelings ahead of yours. If this arrangement works for you, then it's fine. I can do it."

Byakuya was stunned into silence yet again. What was Renji thinking? How could he think that he was the one at fault here?

"May I leave for today?" he asked, quietly.

Byakuya knew he had to tell him, had to correct him and try to make him feel better, but the words just wouldn't come. His guilt overwhelmed him and he lost the will to say anything. Eventually, he nodded, still unable to speak.

"Thank you," Renji murmured.

He dressed relatively quickly, given how shaky his hips were. He stood in front of the door for a moment. Then he said, "I'll come…whenever you need me, Taichou. That's always been true, and it always will be."

Wait.

"Goodbye."

Stop.

But Renji was gone. Byakuya put his head in his hands. What had he done?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The dawn light seemed much too bright to Renji as he opened his window. He blinked and cast his gaze down. Then he leaned his weight on the window sill, and stood there for a long time, in the cold and the painful light of the morning.

He could not describe the pain of what had happened last night. In a sense, because part of it wasn't painful at all. He realized that part of him could forgive Kuchiki Taichou anything, and that part merely accepted what had happened as something Taichou wanted. Another part was dying: the part that longed to be loved in return. Far from being loved, Renji's position in Kuchiki Taichou's mind seemed to be approaching sex toy. Or maybe stress relief. To be honest, he didn't know. But in any case, the fact remained that what had happened last night was about as far from being loved in return as you could get.

He had cried plenty during the night, and his eyes were still red and puffy, his cheeks still salty. But in a way, part of him was relieved. It seemed as though Kuchiki Taichou was taking responsibility for their relationship; in other words, he had accepted Renji's feelings and allowed him to stay by his side. Even allowed him a sexual relationship. As long as Renji kept reminding himself that there was no hope for being loved, things now seemed easier.

As for the future…well, he had never been the sort of man to look very far into the future. In the present, all he could do was try to make sure Kuchiki Taichou was happy and had everything he needed. When he thought about it like that, his own pain seemed less significant. He almost smiled, remembering his sweeter feelings again.

Having started the morning with such weighty thoughts, he slapped his cheeks and went to splash some water on his face. After that, he'd find someone to spar with. Such a simple thing, but it almost always made him feel better. It didn't work that way for everyone though.

As he went about his daily duties, Renji was surprised to hear on the rumor mill that Kuchiki Taichou had agreed to spar with Hisagi. Even more surprising was that it was actually Kuchiki who had requested the match. He could not imagine why Taichou would want to do this, but he went to the 9th division barracks immediately.

Obviously, Kuchiki Taichou did not even need to release his shikai against Hisagi, and when Renji found them, in the 9th division training field surrounded by a lot of new recruits, they were parrying admirably. Still, something was strange. Taichou's movements appeared odd to Renji. Somewhat slower, somewhat less coordinated than usual. He might almost say he was drunk, although he wasn't sure he'd ever seen Kuchiki drunk. He continued to watch the fight with concern gathering in his chest.

Kuchiki was on the offensive when he slowed down for a fraction of a second, during which his mind seemed to be elsewhere. Renji gasped, knowing this was a fatal mistake. But it was too late. Kazeshini drove itself deep into Kuchiki Taichou's back. Hisagi stood shocked, as were all observing the match. A moment of horrible silence followed.

Then a reign of shouts began, people calling for the fourth division.

Renji leapt over everyone in the way and knelt beside Kuchiki. Hisagi was there too, looking horrified.

"Taichou, I'm so sorry…" Hisagi was saying. "Can you hear me?"

"Taichou," Renji said, firmly. He lifted Kuchiki's head into his hands.

His captain was surprisingly lucid. Or so he seemed. "I'm fine…" he murmured. There was the smell of sake on his breath.

Renji nearly screamed at him. "You are not fine! What were you thinking?"

"Renji," Kuchiki murmured. He tugged on Renji's sleeve to pull him closer and speak softly to him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You don't need to forgive me, just please know that I'm sorry. I…"

As he said this, Kuchiki's eyes started to flutter closed. Renji glanced down and his heart nearly stopped. There was so much blood. It spread out in a sickening pool in the dirt. "Ta…" Renji whispered. Then he screamed, "Taichou!"

As it turned out, the wound was not fatal. He would have bled out eventually, but after a few days in the relief station Kuchiki would be fine. The bigger problem was how Renji could ever forgive him for being so reckless, no matter what the reason. He could never hate Taichou, but he was now terrified that something like this might happen again. And he could not believe that Kuchiki had done something so out of character and downright stupid.

He was sitting in a chair beside Kuchiki Taichou's bed when his captain's eyes opened. He glanced around. "This is…" he murmured.

"4th division relief station," Renji barked. "Where do you think?"

Kuchiki looked a bit surprised at Renji's harsh tone, but he only looked at his face for a moment and then glanced away. "Why are you here?" he murmured.

"Why?" Renji sighed. "I wonder. It might be because I thought you were going to die in my arms, and I needed to see your face or I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight." When he said this, Kuchiki's eyes widened and Renji thought he saw a hopeful feeling there. "It might also be because my captain's irresponsible actions had me worried half to death, and I came to kick some sense into him."

Taichou's gaze lowered. "I see. It's the second one."

Renji frowned at this reaction, but he merely replied, "It's both, obviously." He chuckled a little, then sat back in his chair and folded his leg to put his ankle on his knee. "It's so funny to me, Taichou, that no matter how many times I tell you, it doesn't seem to sink in that I'm in love with you. No matter what irresponsible thing you do."

Kuchiki was silent for a long time, and he seemed to be staring up at the ceiling. Presently, he moved his forearm to cover his eyes. "How can you still say that?" he muttered, so softly Renji could barely hear.

Renji felt a twinge of pain from what had happened yesterday. He glanced away, and then said, "Well. Could Hisana-sama have ever done anything to make you hate her?"

Kuchiki's eyes flew open.

"No, right? It's like that. I have to tell you though, whatever is bothering you, I'd much rather you take it out on me than on yourself. I had a moment there, when-"

"It's not the same," Kuchiki interjected, closing his eyes again underneath his forearm. "Hisana could never hurt me."

Renji grew quiet, but he was confused why Taichou was acting this way. Although usually tight-lipped about things that bothered him, Renji had to try to find out. "You didn't hurt me, Taichou."

"Then why were you crying?"

Renji had to stop there. Yes, in a sense, he had hurt him, and very deeply. But not physically. "You don't need to ask that, Taichou. I was upset because…I realized Kira was right. Sex without feelings is painful…" he stopped himself, knowing that might upset him further. "But now that I know that, I can prepare."

"You don't care how I feel about you?"

Renji started to get angry again. "Taichou, why can't you understand? I keep telling you, I love you. I love you like you love Hisana-sama. Of course I want you to love me in return, but because I love you, I understand that that's impossible. Please try to believe me this time."

Kuchiki had been silent for a while, so Renji looked closer. His arm was shaking, and Renji thought he saw a tear run down his face. "Those words are wasted on me. When I can't even…"

Renji gazed at him for a long time in disbelief. Then, he gently touched his arm to lower it. There was indeed a single tear stain on Kuchiki's cheek, his face slightly strained and his gaze far away from Renji.

"I can't…say it. I tried to…but instead I…" Kuchiki stopped speaking for a moment and another tear fell as his eyes shut tightly.

"Taichou…" Renji murmured, softly. "I don't know what's bothering you, but if it's too painful, you don't have to tell me. You getting all worked up like this, it's not like you. Let me help if I can, but don't push yourself."

Byakuya scoffed and covered his face again with his hand in self-deprecation. "This isn't getting anywhere. You treat me like an unfeeling monster."

Renji's eyes widened and his stomach dropped. Was that true?

"All these months…do you know what it's been like?" Kuchiki continued, softly. "I didn't know why you left, or if I'd done something to make you go. You always showed me this sad expression but never told me why. I started to think that loving me was too hard for you, and that's why you left. But I didn't know, because you never told me how you felt, except that you loved me. It's a signifying word, it conveys no real information."

Byakuya was crying in earnest as he said, "Was I that cruel to you? Did it hurt you so much to be around me that you couldn't stand to see me anymore? You still say that you love me, but you should understand how little that means when you say that and nothing else."

Renji was in total disbelief, and also felt a stab of guilt that Kuchiki Taichou was absolutely right; he had been thinking of Taichou as someone who didn't feel anything. He never imagined how hurtful that could be to him, a noble man who took pride in his ability to control his emotions. But there was something he didn't understand.

"Taichou…you're right. I'm so sorry, I never thought you would feel this way. If I had I would have explained myself better, and told you how I was feeling. It's just…I didn't want to bother you, or force my feelings on you. I'm surprised you cared that much what I thought."

Byakuya blinked. And there it was. He had run out of excuses. There was only one explanation for the things he had just said. But could he say it?

He felt his whole body trembling, and his cheeks turned dark pink. Hesitantly, he gripped the front of Renji's shihakusho. His vice captain stared but said nothing. Then Byakuya pulled him closer. Hardly believing what he was saying, he said, "Can you make love to me now?"

Renji's face practically exploded with color, and at this range, Byakuya could feel the heat from him cheeks. Renji stumbled for words, and then murmured, "Taichou…I don't really understand, but it's going to be hard for me to refuse that offer. Are you sure?"

Still trembling slightly, Byakuya nodded.

Renji stared down at him with a lustful and beautiful gaze. He brushed some of Byakuya's hair out of his face. Then, in a gesture of gentleness that nearly broke Byakuya's heart, he lightly kissed Byakuya's forehead. He returned to gaze at him and then brushed his lips as softly as a butterfly.

Byakuya closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Renji's neck, drawing him closer. They kissed deeply, showing their longing for one another. Then Byakuya reached down and caressed Renji's cock over his hakama.

Renji yelped and grabbed Byakuya's hand. "Taichou…sorry, but, if you want me to be on top, you can't tempt me. I could have come just from hearing you ask me, so let me do the work this time, okay?"

Surprising himself, Byakuya chuckled a little. At times like this, Renji could be quite cute. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'll leave it to you, then."

Renji kissed him again, affectionately twining their tongues together, then he began to strip Byakuya, kissing and caressing him everywhere skin became exposed. Byakuya's body was getting hot.

"How is your pain?" Renji asked, though his voice was slightly muffled as his tongue was pressed against Byakuya's pectoral.

Byakuya nodded tightly, trying not to moan. "Almost gone. It was a clean wound, I think I'll be mostly healed by tomorrow."

"That's good to hear." Renji bit down on Byakuya's nipple.

Against his will, Byakuya let out a small noise and threw his head back. He trembled and tried to reign in his reaction. The next time Renji did that, it was easier. But then with his left hand Renji suddenly flicked Byakuya's other nipple. Byakuya threw his hand over his mouth. Renji continue to flick, lick and suck Byakuya's nipples until Byakuya was fully hard.

Next, Renji made a trail of kisses to Byakuya's belly button, and lightly licked him there. Byakuya flinched a little in confusion, never having been pleasured there. But it was not too bad. Renji continued moving further down, but instead of going straight to Byakuya's cock, as he was hoping, the trail stopped there.

He looked up as Renji instead brought Byakuya's foot up to his mouth. Byakuya was stunned at the intense sensation when Renji stuck his tongue between his toes. Why should his feet be so sensitive? Renji licked the instep and sucked on each of Byakuya's toes, then he kissed the inside of his foot, then his ankle, then all up his calf, and then knee…

Byakuya's breathing became harsh and uneven. The last time Renji had been in control he had also had to hold himself back from moaning, but this time Renji seemed to be teasing him on purpose. As kisses came achingly close to his cock, Byakuya writhed on the bed, longing to feel Renji's mouth on him. But just as Renji's cheek lightly brushed his cock, Renji's touch again vanished. Byakuya was getting annoyed, but when Renji returned, he was carrying a small bottle.

"Lotion," he said, pouring some into his hand. "Good thing this is an infirmary. Taichou, you know, almost everyone feels pain at first. It usually gets better quickly."

Byakuya nodded. "All right."

Renji looked doubtful, but he hesitantly rubbed the lotion into Byakuya's hole. Byakuya closed his eyes, exploring the sensation. It didn't feel bad exactly; perhaps a little wrong, because it was something he'd never done before, but not bad. In fact it was kind of exciting. Then Renji's lips met his cock.

"Ah!" Byakuya cried out, his head falling back against the pillow. His hips moved enthusiastically toward Renji's mouth.

Renji's mouth was just as good as ever. He swallowed Byakuya deeply and ran his tongue up and down his length at the same time. He tilted his head and sucked hard on the side of the shaft, producing a weird but very good sensation. He licked Byakuya's balls and took them into his mouth, then glided his tongue along the seam between them.

Byakuya was panting heavily, and was losing his ability to reign in his reactions. Renji swallowed him deeply once again, distracting him, so Byakuya hardly noticed when he inserted the first finger. Byakuya blinked, feeling a small amount of pain, but nothing major. In fact the strangeness was making him even hotter. He breathed into that feeling and let his hips continue to move against Renji's mouth.

Renji flexed his finger inside of Byakuya, moving it in all different ways in order to loosen Byakuya's hole. Then it found a spot on the other side of Byakuya's stomach. His eyes widened, and his breath caught. It was only an instant, but it felt wonderful. Renji notice his reaction, and grinned. He stoked the area again. Byakuya let out a small moan. He wanted more.

Soon, Renji inserted another finger. This one did give a small amount of pain, but the longer Renji's fingers were inside him, the better it felt. It also helped that Renji almost never broke his concentration and continued dutifully sucking Byakuya's cock.

But Byakuya was starting to feel strange. He didn't intend on feeling this good, and it was making him confused. Renji inserted a third finger, and simultaneously brushed Byakuya's prostate with his fingers and frenulum with his tongue. Byakuya had to bite his lip and grip the sheets to keep from coming. Then he grabbed Renji and pulled him up so their faces were level.

"Please, Renji," he said.

Renji swallowed. "Are you sure?"

Byakuya's heart ached. He nodded.

Renji breathed in and out, and then lined himself up between Byakuya's legs. The tip had some trouble getting in, but once it did, the rest slid in smoothly.

Byakuya cried out, his fingernails digging into Renji's shoulder blades. Then, unable to stop himself, he pulled Renji down so he could whisper in his ear. He said the words so softly that he wasn't sure Renji heard them.

Renji's whole body froze. All of a sudden, he twitched, trembled and breathed out heavily. Then he stood panting over Byakuya. "Shit," he muttered.

Byakuya realized what had happened, and couldn't help chuckling.

"Don't laugh yet, Taichou," Renji said, although his pride did sound a little hurt. "Just wait," he said.

Presently, Byakuya felt him growing hard again inside him. He stared at him. "You can do that?" he murmured.

Renji shrugged. "Young and in love. But tell me, Taichou, is it true? What you just said."

Byakuya couldn't answer. It had taken all of his courage to say it just once. Instead, he pulled Renji close again, and murmured, "Don't stop."

Well Renji could hardly argue with that. He hugged Byakuya so tight it hurt, and then thrust inside him.

"Ahh!" Byakuya cried, arching his back. His head would have hit the bed but Renji was still holding him so tightly.

Even though he had just come, Renji's face was tight, obviously he was close again already. But weirdly, so was Byakuya. Even though this was his first time and he did feel some pain, Byakuya was so thrilled at the feeling of Renji inside him, especially after all this time, that his body was manifesting what he was feeling inside, and that was, euphoric.

"Taichou," Renji murmured, stroking his hair. "You feel so amazing. I never thought I could do this with you."

Byakuya quietly held tight to him.

"Does it hurt?"

Byakuya shook his head.

"Does it feel good?"

Byakuya merely blushed and held tighter to Renji. But this seemed to push Renji past his breaking point. Forgetting that Byakuya was injured and a virgin, Renji grabbed Byakuya by the hips and drove his length deeply inside him again and again.

Byakuya moaned loudly, unable to stop himself anymore. It hurt, but it also felt so good, as he had longed for Renji to express himself for so long. He felt like he could finally understand Renji's feelings this way. Renji slowed down for a moment to lick Byakuya's neck and face like a friendly dog. Byakuya would have laughed but it felt too good. This kind of affection was what he craved.

Renji began to move in him slowly again, rocking Byakuya's hips up to meet his own. Byakuya moaned. At this angle, Renji's cock was rubbing against his prostate once in each direction. He started to lose control.

Renji saw this, and instead of backing off, he gripped Byakuya's cock. Then he pounded him again and again, jerking him off at the same time. Byakuya's fingers were still digging into Renji's shoulders, a fact he did not seem to mind one bit. Then Byakuya finally let go, and bit Renji hard on the neck as he came. Renji cried out at the sensation, and poured his load into Byakuya's belly. They lay still moaning for many long seconds, both a little bit stunned at what they'd just experienced.

Eventually, Renji slipped out of Byakuya. Byakuya felt relieved from the light pain and pressure, but also sad because he feared that Renji would leave again.

But Byakuya held him close for a moment. Then he murmured, "I didn't mean to hurt you that time."

Renji pulled back a bit to meet his gaze. Then he smiled softly. "You didn't. And now that I know why you did it, I'm almost happy about it. Plus…" then he trailed off and looked away with a blush.

"What?"

"Umm," Renji murmured, scratching the side of his face. "It felt kind of good to be tied up."

Byakuya was silent for a moment. Then he remarked, "Hm."

"So, Taichou…it's okay if you can't say them again, but about those words you said to me…"

Byakuya looked up worriedly.

"Is it okay if I keep believing them?"

Byakuya felt happiness rising in his chest, but he kept most of it from his face. "That's up to you," he muttered.

Renji grinned. He hugged Byakuya again, making his captain simultaneously happy and embarrassed. "Renji," Byakuya patted his shoulder, indicating he should let go for a moment, which he did. "For my family's sake…I can't have a relationship like this."

Renji's happiness faded. Byakuya felt his heart breaking. Renji had finally shown true happiness in front of him, and he couldn't keep it. But, hoping he could make it better, Byakuya continued.

"So…it may be painful for you, but…do you think we can be lovers secretly?"

Then suddenly, the pain vanished from Renji's face. "Lovers?"

Byakuya nodded, though he did blush a little.

Renji's face exploded again. Shyly, he turned away, thinking for a time as he pressed the backs of his hands to his cheeks to cool them down. Then he looked at Byakuya. "Seriously?"

Byakuya frowned, wanting to know what he was thinking. "Yes. Are you saying no?"

"Jesus no!" Renji cried. He planted his hands on either side of Byakuya's head and bent down over him. "If you're okay with a bum like me," he said, gently.

Byakuya scoffed. "You talk like that's something new."

But ignoring his insult with a blithe grin, Renji grabbed his captain up into his arms again. "Sooo, sooo happy," Renji whispered.

Byakuya's heart felt like it might fly from his chest. He rested his head against Renji's shoulder, and against his will several happy tears fell.

The next morning, Renji happened to meet Kira, and Byakuya happened to meet Yoruichi separately. By noon, every single one of their friends knew what had happened, even though neither of them had said a thing. Of course, with such perceptive friends, they really didn't need to.

Byakuya's first clue was when Kyouraku Taichou stopped him in a corridor with a light elbow to the ribs and said, "It all worked out, huh?" with a lascivious grin.

A vein popped in Byakuya's head. "All what?" he inquired, but Kyouraku was already around the corner, humming to himself.

Renji was stopped by Matsumoto, who squeezed him with her breasts and remarked, "Why does this happen to all the good ones?"

Unfortunately she did so in front of Hisagi, who very gallantly held back a crushed expression.

Several similar incidents occurred before Renji and Byakuya saw each other again. When they did, they went into Byakuya's office and locked the door. Then both of them heaved sighs and leaned against the door.

"They all know," Renji muttered.

"It would seem so," Byakuya replied, trying not to look annoyed. Renji was looking troubled as he stood with his hand against the door. Byakuya noticed this. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

Renji blinked, remembering that not saying things had hurt Byakuya before. So even though it was selfish, he murmured, "I was just wondering if…it might be better for you if we broke it off."

Byakuya regarded Renji silently for a few moments. Then he sighed. He approached Renji and wrapped him in his arms, placing a kiss on his cheek. Renji hesitantly allowed himself to be held. "Even if you said you wanted to leave me," Byakuya said. "I'd never let you do it again." Renji blushed. "Besides, what's done is done. Although they like to gossip, I don't think our friends will cause us any harm. Although…" he muttered, starting to form a scowl. "I may have to kill Yoruichi."

But Renji merely smiled. He buried himself in his captain's embrace and squeezed him affectionately in return. "I love you, Taichou. Love, love, love, love."

Byakuya smiled lightly. "And I…I'll say it again sometime in the future."

"Good enough!" Renji said, and promptly pounced on his captain.


	7. Extra 1

Extra 1 – One Month Later

Byakuya did not often go to the human world, since it made him feel unsavory, but in this case his duties required him to check up on some powerful spirit presences in an area near Tokyo. This finished, he was about to return to Soul Society when he happened to pass a clothing store. This gave him an interesting idea.

The next day he came down to the human world in Karakura-chou, and visited Urahara's shop to get a gigai. When asked why he wanted it, Byakuya merely glared at Urahara, who then backed down with an uncomfortable chuckle. Byakuya then made a quick trip to the clothing district.

When he returned, he made sure to let Renji know that he would be in his quarters that evening. He made a few preparations, and waited. At around nine, Renji knocked on his door.

Byakuya opened the door, and braced for Renji's reaction. In reality he knew almost nothing about modern human fashion, and had relied mostly on the very enthusiastic saleswoman. But judging from Renji's face, she had done a good job.

Byakuya wore a high-collar, navy blue three-piece suit, with a gray waistcoat and a slim black tie. He had removed his kenseikan and secured his hair in a ponytail at the base of his neck, though as always he left his bangs loose. He had relied on the saleswoman to select an appropriate tie pin, as well as cufflinks and shoes. She was even kind enough to select socks and underwear for him. She assured him it was all at the height of fashion and he would dazzle all who looked on him. This was reassuring because he really wanted to look good tonight.

Renji looked as if he'd seen a ghost, for about five seconds. Then, slowly, his face started to turn bright red, and he blinked and half looked at the floor.

"Taichou…" he murmured. "Why…?"

Byakuya turned away to hide his embarrassment. "Just a whim. Come in."

When Renji entered, he saw some more clothes laid out on the bed. "Is this…becoming a hobby or something?" he murmured.

"Get changed."

Renji blinked. "This is…for me?"

Byakuya merely folded his arms with his back to him, waiting for him to change. Renji blushed again and took up the clothes in his hands. While Byakuya's back was turned, he hugged them tightly to his chest.

In a few moments, Renji was dressed. Byakuya had described to the saleswoman Renji's personality, as well as his general taste in fashion and the fact that he was tattooed. She had selected a red silk shirt that went down to the elbows, a black vest, and tight black pants that Byakuya found rather appealing. He rarely saw Renji's ass during the day. With the top few buttons of the shirt unbuttoned, and the thin material of the silk, most of Renji's tattoos were visible. Byakuya might never say it out loud, but he was developing a thing for Renji's tattoos. Especially being able to see more of them than anyone else.

Byakuya nodded to himself. "Can you still use shunpo like that?"

Renji looked confused, but said, "I think so…"

"Good. We'll have to be quick, I don't want this getting back to _her_." Renji was immediately aware that he was referring to Yoruichi, who'd taken a particular interest in their relationship lately. "Come on," Byakuya said.

A few quick jumps, and Byakuya lead them discreetly to the garden in his mansion. Once there, Renji's mouth fell open. The garden was faintly lit by a few candles and by a group of beautiful fireflies. In addition to the usual rocks, streams and minimalist plants, the pond was filled with lotus flowers. Although Renji had been here a few times before, he never remembered seeing them. Byakuya lead him to the tea room, which overlooked the garden.

Inside, the room was not much different from usual, a beautiful tatami room with sliding doors and a low table and chairs. In the corner was an exquisite, gold screen decorated with a blossoming plum tree. However, it was what was on the table that had Renji completely overwhelmed. The normally discreet table was overcome by a huge feast, many of which were Renji's favorite foods, and some of which were so expensive he'd never dreamed of eating them. He had no suitable words for what was before him.

Byakuya watched him for a time. "Sit down," he said.

Renji couldn't react at first, his heart was so full of emotion. But eventually, he nodded and took a seat opposite his captain. There, he gazed in disbelief at the array of food. Byakuya frowned.

"Is something wrong?"

Renji jumped as if he'd just noticed Byakuya there. "I…Taichou…what is all this?"

Byakuya looked away. "It's nothing. I just wanted to celebrate."

"Celebrate? Celebrate what, Taichou?"

Byakuya was silent for a long time, staring blankly ahead. Then he said softly, "Nothing in particular." He took up his chopsticks and finally looked up at Renji. "Eat," he said.

Renji had no idea what was going on, but he was so happy he didn't have time to wonder what this was all about. He hesitantly joined his captain in picking up exquisite foods and placing them on his plate. When he finished, he merely had to stare at it for a while. He'd never had such a meal. Was this really all right?

Byakuya had been watching him as he did this. "Is the food not to your liking?"

Renji gasped. "Not at all!" He swallowed and tried to gather himself. "Taichou, is it really all right for me to eat all this? I'm not…even really fit to be a guest in your home. And everything is so beautiful…This much extravagance is wasted on someone like me."

Byakuya merely smiled softly while picking at his food. "I wanted you to have it. Are you going to refuse your captain's request?"

Renji stared for a moment. Then he said, "No…thank you, Taichou."

Byakuya nodded.

Renji could not help making vulgar faces and occasionally fist-pumping from the deliciousness of the food. And though he was sure this would annoy Taichou, the most reaction he had was to smile. But Renji had to stop eating after only one plate.

Damn it, Renji cursed to himself. I want to eat more but I'm too excited, my stomach won't calm down!

Apart from anything else, Kuchiki Taichou looked so sexy in those clothes…Renji was overwhelmed by stimulation, but he could hardly keep his eyes off him. Even eating, Kuchiki Taichou was one of the most beautiful creatures he'd ever set eyes on.

Kuchiki Taichou patted his mouth with a napkin and met Renji's persistent stare. "Are the clothes that strange?"

Renji lit up like a Christmas tree. "Not strange, Taichou…"

Kuchiki tilted his head with a trace of amusement. "Good?"

Renji nodded vigorously.

He thought he heard the slightest chuckle, but when he glanced up, Taichou was gazing out at the garden with a light smile. "I'm glad my intuition was right about the red and black. They suit you very well."

Renji had to hide his face on the table. He was too embarrassed and happy and confused. What was going on?

"Would you like to drink tea in the garden?" Kuchiki asked him.

"Uh…yes," Renji said.

Byakuya poured them both some tea, and they sat down on the walkway surrounding the garden. Renji was silent for a while, staring into his tea, trying to think of what to say to express how he was feeling.

"Taichou…" he murmured, tearfully. "Am I going to die?"

"What?" Byakuya balked.

"It's just…I can't tell you how happy I am. Everything is so beautiful…I would have been happy just eating dinner with you in your quarters…"

Byakuya scoffed lightly. "But that would have been very boring."

Renji blushed. "Not to me. Anywhere you are, my emotions are already on maximum attack! I can't think that you did all this on a whim…can't I ask what it's for?"

Byakuya set down his tea, folding his hands in his lap. "Something happened a month ago. I'm just celebrating that."

"A month ago…and you wanted to celebrate…with me?"

Byakuya smiled, although there was a trace of embarrassment on his face. "It wouldn't make much sense to celebrate with anyone else."

Renji stopped to wonder what that meant. Something to do with him? He thought back to what had happened a month ago. Gradually, realization dawned on him. He promptly turned red all the way up to his ears.

"A month ago…that's when we…"

"Yes."

"When you said…"

"Yes."

Renji leaned over and buried his face in his hands. Apart from anything else, the way Taichou was so subtle and embarrassed about it made his heart ache with joy and sweetness. Was it really okay to be this happy?

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, and Taichou placed his other hand on his cheek, drawing him closer. "You can pick tonight. What do you want to be…top or bottom?"

Renji trembled with sensation. He cast his gaze away with a blush and murmured almost inaudibly, "I want…Taichou…inside me…"

Byakuya smirked. "Will you come to my room?"

Renji nodded, hesitantly.

Byakuya lead them quietly to his room, much more gently than he had the last time they were here. He closed the sliding door, and pressed Renji against the wall by his shoulders. They both gazed at each other for a time. Byakuya tilted Renji's chin up with his fingers, and softly kissed him.

Renji felt as if his knees might give way, and held onto Byakuya's elbows. Byakuya enjoyed this sweet kissing for a time, then took the back of Renji's neck in his hand, tilted his head back and deepened the kiss.

This time Renji's knees really did give way, and Byakuya held him tightly around his waist to keep him from falling. Renji trembled pleasantly in his arms. Then he reached his arms up to circle around Byakuya's neck, pulling him ever closer as if even becoming one body would not be enough. Byakuya compensated by kissing Renji so deeply that his back bent backwards, held up only by Byakuya's arms around him.

Eventually he broke the kiss and left Renji gasping. His vice captain then crumpled to the floor, but in moments he looked up to Byakuya's waist, which was right in front of him, and began to caress Byakuya's member, and kiss it over his clothes.

Byakuya smirked but he drew back Renji's head reluctantly. "Not yet," he said.

Renji moaned, but Byakuya laid him down on the futon to gaze on his form. "Have you heard the saying? When a man gives someone clothes, it means he wants to take them off."

Renji flushed heavily. "That's fine, but…are these a gift?"

Byakuya kissed Renji's neck. "Yes. And I want you to wear them again."

Renji moaned, holding Byakuya tight to him. Then his eyes flicked open. "But, wait…you buy Rukia clothes all the time."

There was an awkward silence. Byakuya considered for a time. "Well," he said at length. "Don't worry about that."

"I will worry about it!"

Byakuya took Renji's face in his hand and forced him to meet his gaze. "Rukia is just about the last thing on my mind right now. Why? Is she on yours?"

Renji slowly shook his head.

"Good. Now concentrate on what I'm doing to you. I want to make you scream today."

Renji shivered.

Byakuya took his time removing each piece of Renji's clothing, while kissing and caressing the newly exposed skin. Then he pulled Renji up to a seated position while Byakuya straddled him on his knees and said, "Take mine off too."

Renji was suffused with feeling, barely able to reply. But slowly he began to pull Byakuya's clothing off. He was especially excited by unbuttoning Byakuya's undershirt; the complicated nature of modern clothing made the tension even higher, and the need to be naked together even more urgent. Renji kissed Byakuya's exposed chest, causing his captain to groan appreciatively.

Once Byakuya's clothes were off, they fell on one another, kissing and touching frantically. Then Byakuya pulled back for a moment and said, "Want me to tie you up today?"

Renji blushed. "Just my hands…" he murmured. "Today…somehow I'm just desperate to see you and kiss you."

There was a pause, and Renji wondered if something was wrong. Then he saw Byakuya's expression; he was blushing and Renji could swear, despite the almost lifeless nature of his expression, he looked happy.

Byakuya pick up his discarded necktie and bound Renji's hands above his head. Then he pressed them hard into the futon as he claimed Renji's lips ferociously.

Renji moaned against his mouth, driving him even harder. How was he going to make it long enough to fuck him?

Byakuya grabbed some lotion that he had prepared earlier and began to loosen Renji's hole.

"Ah!" Renji cried, shivering. "Already…?" he murmured.

"Sorry," Byakuya whispered against his lips. "I can't wait."

Renji bit his lip to stave off the incredible turn-on of what Byakuya had just said. He grasped him tightly and murmured, "Taichou…!"

Byakuya flipped Renji over onto all fours to tease his hole into sweet softness. He found Renji's prostate in a matter of moments and proceeded to drive him crazy. Renji was already nearly as worked up as him when they started, but now he was having to fight back cumming every second. Byakuya didn't care. Renji could come as many times as he liked.

When he was able to get three fingers in comfortably (more or less), Byakuya slid himself inside Renji. Both men gasped. Though they had sex at least every few days, Byakuya was never able to get over the hot tightness inside of Renji. If anything, he seemed to get sexier every time. Byakuya bit back the urge to cum and thrust himself deep inside Renji.

Renji threw back his head and cried out in a voice that drove Byakuya crazy. Byakuya reached down and thrust his fingers inside Renji's mouth. His vice captain moaned and contentedly sucked on them, stimulating Byakuya so much it was almost painful.

Then Renji fell onto his chest, his back arched and ass raised high in the air for Byakuya's usage. His bound hands above his head made the pose even sexier. Then a hot gaze traveled back to Byakuya.

"Ahh…ah…Tai…chou!" Renji cried, his speech interrupted by Byakuya's unrelenting thrusts. "So…good…fuck…fuck me…harder…"

Byakuya growled, gripping onto Renji's hips and slamming their bodies together wildly. Renji seemed to be coming undone, so engrossed with feeling that he seemed to be forgetting who he was, crying out so loudly the whole household could probably hear him. And Byakuya cared not one little bit. He fucked him as hard as he could, aching to hear more of Renji's desperate cries.

"Ahhh, Taichou!" Renji cried. "Coming…it's so good…I'm coming!"

"Renji," Byakuya gasped, losing control.

He yanked their hips together over and over, till he felt Renji's hole tighten around him, and saw his vice captain's cum spray his sheets. He couldn't hold on, and blew his load into Renji's belly within moments. Then they both collapsed exhausted on the bed.

After about two minutes of regaining their composure, Renji said, "Want to go again?"

"Um…yes."

The next day, Byakuya was walking to work when Yoruichi spotted him and jogged up merrily to match his gait. "Nice day, huh?" she said, grinning.

Byakuya braced himself to be annoyed. "Very nice," he muttered.

"I was just talking to Kisuke," Yoruichi continued.

Byakuya nearly froze, trying not to look suspicious.

"He said you borrowed a gigai the other day. And that you came back with clothing bags."

Byakuya tried to reason his way out of this. "That was for research."

Yoruichi nodded, understanding. "Oh, don't get me wrong. I do get it. You know, just between you and me…" she said, conspiratorially, "I've got a bit of a cosplay fetish too."

Byakuya trembled with rage. But Yoruichi was already off and running by the time he could say, "I do not have a cosplay fetish!"


	8. Extra 2

For more yaoi from Bleach, check out If All Bleach was Yaoi ( s/8409806/1/If_All_Bleach_was_Yaoi)

Extra 2 – Yoruichi's Prank

On a quiet afternoon, Shihouin Yoruichi decided to have herself some fun. So she went to Urahara's shop and picked up a special item which she herself had used before. Then, like the assassin she was, she crept into Byakuya's quarters in the 6th division barracks, and left it on his bed with a note that said, "I hope this meets your liking. -Renji". She chuckled to herself with delight.

That evening, when she knew the two would meet, she held up Renji for a bit to give Byakuya time to try out her gift. After half an hour, she let him go. She would have loved to stick around to observe the results, but then Byakuya might actually kill her, so she resolved to wait until morning to find out how it went. She grinned to herself.

Renji knocked on Byakuya's door. Strangely, it took Taichou some time to respond, and when he did, he just opened the door a crack.

"Taichou?" Renji murmured, worriedly.

Byakuya was flushed and panting, and at first Renji thought he might have a fever. Then he growled and said, "What was in that?"

"In what?"

"That tea. I can't…think straight…"

"Tea? What tea? Taichou, are you all right?"

Byakuya's eyes widened. "It wasn't from you?"

"What wasn't? Taichou, please let me in and tell me what's going on. Are you sick?"

Byakuya groaned and leaned against the door frame. "I should have known. Yoruichi…I really will kill her one of these days." He leaned his head against the door and panted.

"Taichou, what's wrong?" Renji asked again, worriedly.

Byakuya glanced up at him, and Renji thought he looked embarrassed. "Maybe you should go home today. I'm not myself."

"You've got to be kidding," he said, sardonically. "If something's wrong, don't hide it from me. Let me help."

Byakuya sighed. "It's not…wrong exactly…it's just embarrassing. Let's leave it at that."

He started to close the door when Renji stopped him. "After all this, you still have reason to be embarrassed in front of me?"

Byakuya considered. Then his blush increased. "If you come in now…I won't be able to hold back…"

Renji paused for a moment, and then he began to blush as well. Without waiting for permission, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him. He stared at his flushed and sexy captain. Then he cupped his face in his hands and lifted it to look in his eyes. "What happened?"

Byakuya glanced away, embarrassed. He pointed to an open bag of loose leaf tea. "That was left on my bed this afternoon with a note saying it was from you."

"From me?" Renji felt a surge of anger. "You're saying Yoruichi did that?"

"Most likely."

Renji snarled. "I may have to kill her too."

"I thought it tasted strange, but then I know you have no taste, so I drank it anyway."

"The insult hurts worse because it actually caused you harm this time. In any case, Taichou, I know that I could never choose a tea that you would like, let alone that I could afford, so in the future don't be fooled this way."

Byakuya blinked for a moment. Then slowly, his hand reached up to meet Renji's which was resting on his cheek. He leaned against it. "Renji…let's talk later…I can't wait anymore…"

Renji's lips parted. He gazed at his overly-sexy captain, whose current appearance threatened to drive him completely crazy with lust. "Are you sure, Taichou? Now that you know you're drugged, you may regret this later…"

Byakuya reached up to encircle his arms around Renji's neck, and whisper in his ear. "It's not just today. I've been wanting you to take me again, like you did in the 4th division relief station. I just thought that you liked it better when I was on top."

Renji was trembling with desire on hearing these impossible words coming from Kuchiki Taichou's mouth. He couldn't stop himself from becoming beat red. "I…well…I suppose it depends on the mood, but Taichou, listen. Making love to you is so good, however we do it, that every time I think I'm going to go crazy. You don't ever have to hold back with me. For you I'd be willing to do all the kinky stuff too."

Byakuya's hold on him tightened. "Renji…don't talk anymore…"

Renji smiled a little. "Yes, sir."

Renji pulled Byakuya away from him to kiss him gently. Byakuya's body was shaking, and Renji could feel his erection rubbing against his hip. He deepened the kiss, holding his captain's body tight against him. His hands roamed Byakuya's back and then stretched up to weave into his hair; Renji had noticed that Byakuya liked that. True to his expectations, Byakuya moaned against his lips.

Then, in a bold move that he really wasn't sure about, Renji's hands slipped downward to cover Byakuya's ass. Byakuya's lips stopped for a moment. Then Renji flexed his hands, enjoying the awesome sensation of Byakuya's tight ass. Byakuya moaned out loud, his head tilting back.

"Renji…" he whispered. "I'm not going to last long…let me cum once…"

Renji smiled. "Your wish is my command."

Renji slipped Byakuya's obi off him and stroked his cock. Byakuya gripped his sleeves, biting his lip. Renji knelt and continued to stroke Byakuya's cock as he lightly breathed over the tip. Byakuya gasped and his legs nearly gave out.

"Be careful, Taichou," Renji said, blushing with a faint smile.

Byakuya mumbled something unintelligible, at which point Renji drew his cock into his mouth. Byakuya fell back against the door. Renji was undeterred, licking and slurping Byakuya's cock like an ice cream cone. He reached up and was just able to stick his fingers inside Byakuya's mouth. Kuchiki whimpered uncharacteristically soft, sucking passionately on Renji's fingers. Renji removed them, and seconds later began massaging Byakuya's hole with his moist digits.

Byakuya was convulsing, and he seemed to be trying to say something but it wouldn't come. Eventually, Renji caught the words, "…too much…", but then he stuck his finger inside his captain.

"Aahhh!" Byakuya cried, gripping Renji's head against him. "Ahh…Ren…ji…"

"Are you coming soon, Taichou?" he murmured, between sucking.

Byakuya nodded dazedly.

So Renji flexed his finger hard inside Byakuya, looking for that spot. However, the second he found it…

"AAH!" Byakuya gripped Renji's head hard against his hips as white hot cum poured down Renji's throat.

Renji swallowed what he could, conscientiously licking Byakuya clean, but still had to turn away and cough afterward to get some of it out of his lungs. He panted for a moment. Then he promptly grabbed Byakuya up into his arms, and carried him to the bed. Byakuya stared at him.

"Renji…" he murmured.

"Taichou…" Renji gazed at him sweetly. But he wasn't sure if Byakuya would be grossed out by kissing him after he'd cum in his mouth. "Can I kiss you?"

Byakuya wrapped his arms around his neck again. "You don't need to ask that."

Renji tilted Byakuya's head back and deeply kissed him, drawing Byakuya's desire back again. And though Renji hadn't noticed, Byakuya's cock had not withered at all since he came, which was one of the effects of the drug Yoruichi had given him. Byakuya was writhing with desire. He wanted Renji to fuck him. And though their sex was always passionate, and Byakuya always felt like he wanted to enjoy foreplay more, now he had no leeway. He just hoped that Renji could sense that, because it was so hard for him to say what he wanted.

But Renji seemed just as desperate. He undressed them both in moments, kissing bits of Byakuya's body that appeared before him. Eventually, he hugged Byakuya tight to him and sucked on his neck, producing a dark red hickey. Byakuya trembled, crying out and grasping Renji's head. Renji licked up his neck to his ear, inserting his tongue. Finally, he kissed Byakuya hard again, and then reached for the bedside table where they had started keeping lube.

He poured a liberal amount into his hand, then massaged Byakuya's hole again. He also coated Byakuya's cock, knowing how good it felt because Byakuya had done it for him before. Byakuya was trembling and squirming all the while, trying desperately to hold in his sexy voice. Renji would just have to do something about that.

He inserted his fingers, one at a time, surprised by how easily they went in. Frowning, he said, "Taichou…your hole is very soft. Is it possible…have you been…"

Byakuya's face lit up with color. But he looked away and couldn't answer. Renji's mind exploded with the image of Kuchiki Taichou fingering himself in the bath. He was really so flabbergasted that he barely moved for almost a minute.

"Did you think of me?" Renji murmured, still disbelieving.

Byakuya was so embarrassed, a small tear rolled down his cheek. "Don't talk so much," he whispered.

Renji thought he might die from happiness. He kissed Byakuya deeply again, trying to convey all the joy in his heart. Unfortunately, at the moment, Byakuya was far too overwhelmed with physical sensation to concentrate very well. Trembling hands wrapped around Renji's waist, pulling him closer.

Sensing he wouldn't hurt him if he put it in now, Renji rubbed a small amount of lube over his cock, then placed Taichou's legs wide apart. For a moment he had to stare at the unbelievably sexy sight. Taichou was watching, but had part of his face covered in his hand out of embarrassment. The other hand was placed affectionately on Renji's chest, feeling the muscles move as Renji did. His naked body was warm and slick with sweat, and yet had hardly been more beautiful. And his cock was much redder than usual, slick and hard and desperate for release. Even Byakuya's hole was lightly twitching now that Renji's fingers had left it. Renji swallowed.

Finally, he slid deeply inside Byakuya's body. Byakuya cried out sweetly, his hands grasping Renji's shoulders. It was such a thrill when he did things like that; it made Renji feel powerful, that he could reduce such a proud, powerful man to someone desperate for his cock. He had to take a few breaths to get used to the hot wetness inside of his captain. If he didn't he would cum immediately.

However someone was ahead of him. Byakuya convulsed, his fingernails biting into Renji's flesh, and sprayed cum all over his own chest.

"Taichou?!" Renji cried in utter confusion. Not only did Taichou normally have far greater endurance than himself, but he had only cum just minutes ago. He had cum just from Renji being inside him? The thought made him crazy with desire.

Byakuya covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry…it's this drug…I can't hold back…"

Renji held Byakuya tight in his arms. "Then don't hold back, Taichou. I can't tell you how unbelievably sexy you are right now. Please keep cumming while thinking of me. I can already tell I'm going to use this night to jerk off to in the future."

Byakuya scoffed with a blush. "Pervert…" he murmured.

"Yes," Renji agreed, and kissed him deeply again. "I'm going to move again, all right?"

Byakuya nodded, his lips parting.

Renji shoved himself deep inside Byakuya, immediately wanting to know just how far he could go inside him. He thrust his hips, and changed the angle. Eventually, he thought of an even better angle. He pulled out briefly. He rose to his knees first, then his feet. He lifted up Byakuya by the hips, causing the other man to gasp, and rested Byakuya's curved back against his legs. Then, slowly, he lowered himself down and inserted his cock into the half-upside down Byakuya.

Byakuya cried out from the strangeness of the angle. It was definitely touching his prostate, and even the weirdness was turning him on. He really enjoyed it when Renji took control once in a while. He also planned to steal this move and use it on Renji later.

Renji bounced his knees, thrusting mercilessly into Byakuya. Then, after only a few minutes of this, Byakuya threw his head back with a throaty cry and came again.

Renji stared in amazement. "That's some drug…" he said.

Byakuya was losing control. He reached up for Renji, longingly. "Fuck…me…" he murmured. "Can't take it…anymore…I want you…cum inside me…"

Renji gasped, holding back the urge to cum just from those words. Instead, he pulled out of Byakuya, threw him around to being on all fours, and grasped one of his arms to pull him back like a horse. Renji thrust inside him.

"Ahhahh…" Byakuya cried, his eyes rolling back.

Renji pounded him again and again, stroking his chest, legs and back as he did so. Eventually he ran out of endurance, and grasped both of Byakuya's arms to shove into him even deeper. Byakuya was so enveloped in passion, his moans had actually become quieter, simply unable to cope with the pleasure. Renji shoved into him over and over, and finally could hold back no longer. He threw his head back with a loud cry as he poured semen into his captain's insides. He continued to orgasm, trembling and twitching, long after his balls had emptied their load. He eventually looked down and realized Kuchiki Taichou had cum again too. However, as Renji was about to do, Kuchiki Taichou had already lost consciousness, and was only held up by Renji's grip on his arms. So Renji let him go, and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day, an incident occurred in which Shihouin Yoruichi became target practice for Senbonzakura.


End file.
